I remember the times I went to the hair salon hoping for a new look.  I wanted something quick and drastic, creating a big change for my appearance and my identity.  After some creative work by my stylist, I would leave feeling like a new woman.  Only not.  People would comment and notice at first, it would be exciting to look in the mirror and see something different, but I was still , well, me.  I still had the same work stress, money stress, and thoughts about my life and who I was.  And even my hair tended to revert back to the way it was, never looking quite the same as the day I left the salon.

Change is a process and it takes time.  Whether it’s gearing up to make a change or reacting to a life circumstance that has changed, we go through various phases of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  Our experience evolves as we go about our days.  I find it helpful for myself and in working with people to acknowledge this dynamic process.  Viewing change as a journey rather than an event can help us assess where we are in the moment in relation to something we are working toward.  It can also help us see what we may need at any point in time that may be different from what we needed at a previous point.  Viewing change as a process helps create a path, or a road map, of sorts, and helps us see progress.  We prepare, we take steps toward a change, we begin to incorporate our change, and then we have to integrate and maintain our changes.

Experts in the study of change often use the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change (TTM), developed by James O’Prochaska and his colleagues, to classify stages of change.  The first stage is known as Pre-contemplation, during which a person is mostly unaware that change is needed.  Next is the Contemplation Phase, in which a person begins to recognize a need for change and considers what it would take to make the change.  In the Preparation Phase, people set an intention to change and begin to make small steps, followed by the Action Phase, when specific overt steps are taken to modify behavior.  Finally, the Maintenance Phase involves activities to sustain the change and prevent relapse to old behavior.  By recognizing what stage we are in when working toward a change, we can help to identify ways to support ourselves.

But most change tends not to go in such a clear linear fashion.  One woman in a weight management group made us laugh in agreement when she commented that she is in the Action Phase most mornings, but by the time dinner is over and dessert is on the table, she is back “Pre-Contemplating.”  Lasting change involves the recognition that we cycle through these stages in various ways, and that we can be in multiple stages for different changes we want to make.  By viewing change as a process, however, it helps us stay mindful of our movement toward or away from the change we intend to make and helps us assess what factors make change easier or more challenging.

Change changes.  Even when we cut our hair or have our last cigarette, life goes on.  Hair re-grows and nicotine cravings pop up.  By acknowledging the dynamic aspect of change, we can best give ourselves the perspective we need to stay on track for the long term.  Change is a lifestyle, not a haircut.

You know the feeling.  You’re finally about to get started and then suddenly your palms get sweaty, your stomach hurts, and all you can think about is how you are NOT ready.  We’ve all been there, and in fact that’s where I am right now.

I’ve been looking forward to finally writing this blog after what seemed like the endless hurdles of getting a domain, setting up the site, and learning how to use it.  I put aside this morning to actually start writing, happily anticipating it all week.  But as I sit at the keyboard, nothing but doubt comes to mind.  I go back to read my “WHY” section and all I can think of is the “WHY NOTS.”  Who do you think you are? You won’t be able to keep it up.  You should know more about this before you begin.

First steps are daunting.  It means making a commitment and actually putting effort into your stated desire, which creates vulnerability.  If I actually do something then I might fail or disappoint.  And even if by some chance I am successful, I might not have what it takes to keep it up.  Taking this first step is uncomfortable and scary.

Even though fear is just a feeling and self doubts are just thoughts, they can be powerful barriers to that first step.  They cause us to postpone our effort to a time when we think we’ll be prepared or at least “more ready.”  Will that day ever come?  Perhaps.  I could learn more about blogging, take another writing class, or create a better plan.  But I could also just get started, focusing less on the “what ifs” and more on the efforts I’ve made so far.

New research on what promotes change (specifically in the field of Motivational Interviewing) has found that the old method of weighing the positives and negatives of a situation to facilitate change may not be as effective as we had once thought.  By listing our reasons “why not,” we give these factors more credibility as barriers and entrench them in our minds.  By actively focusing our mind to what steps we can take, we essentially sidestep barriers and decrease the power these “why nots” hold over us.

What I find in working with most people when facing a first step is that the first step is not actually the first step at all, anyhow.  In fact, they have been taking many small steps for quite some time and have indeed covered a lot of ground.  Usually by the time we take that “first step”, our journey is already heading in the direction we want to go.

I’ve never written a blog before, but I love to write.  I may not have useful things to say to everyone every time I post, but I have a lot of years of experience and a perspective that may be of use to someone at some time.  I have a journal full of over 60 topic ideas I have been jotting down.  So despite my fear and the many things I could have done to better prepare, I just created my first blog post.  And later this week I will face it all over again when I create my first second post.

Thanks for changing with me.

After 25 years of psychological practice, listening to people’s powerful stories and witnessing amazing transformations, I found I had something to say.  Indeed it is true, that change is the only thing that is constant.  People are always either coping with change or trying to change, and usually both. Change is the universal truth that weaves throughout our lives.

We are all under the influence of change as we grow and age.  We often don’t consider these developmental influences until we see a photograph or reach a milestone.  And at the same time as these slow and subtle changes occur, we encounter events that alter our lives completely in what seems like an instant.  Coping with and finding meaning in these circumstances is often a journey of great significance.

I have also discovered the great paradox of change.   So many people seek it, yet it seems so hard to do. Whether weight loss, career shift, new relationships, assertiveness, quitting smoking, stress management, whatever the lifestyle, lasting change is challenging.   Yet, what I have discovered is that no matter how disparate the particular habits, the elements that create success are often quite similar.  Lasting change, while often frustrating and humbling, is very possible with mindful attention and the tools of self care.

This realization brings me to the why of this endeavor, which is the hope of shedding light on this mysterious world of change.  I hope to share perspectives on how to make changes and how to cope with changes.  By being more in tune to our own change process, I believe it can help us achieve greater access to the full range of our emotional experience and a greater sense of control over our choices.  While change can be painful, it can also be liberating, enlightening, and even joyful.  My goal is to bring awareness, insight, inspiration, and acceptance of this universal experience by sharing tools, ideas, research, and the things I have learned and keep learning from both my professional and personal life. I know that in writing this I will be challenged to be more aware of my own life and experiences.  I sincerely hope you find it helpful, too.