Some time last year I was really frustrated with myself. I was falling into some bad patterns, and as things often go, one bad habit was setting me up for others. My mood was down and I was finding myself becoming whiny and self pitying. Finally, one morning after listening to myself complaining, I started to get angry. “Enough with the victim, stuff,” I told myself, “if you don’t like what you’re doing, do something different.” So I did. I tried something new that actually helped me. Then, as I found some success, I beta tested it (just like the NY Times Sports Connection game) with some of my clients at work. I’m happy to report that the outcome of the trials have gone well enough that I’m rolling it out today to share with you. It’s pretty simple to do and I’m finding it pretty sustainable.
Ok, so I call the idea my “Action Directives.” I made a list of the categories in my life that were important to me and where I felt the most stuck. These were Health and Diet, Work, Marriage, Parenting, Hobbies, and Friendships. Then I made a list of actionable items that would feel good to do in each category. This included things like “Eat protein at every meal” in the health category, and “Don’t complain about it, suggest the positive” in the work category. “Don’t take things so personally,” was something that could go in a couple of places! Then, I went through them all and chose a few for each category that I thought would give me the most bang for my buck. I wrote these items out on small pieces of paper, one category on each page, with the title of the category at the top. Then I pinned the pages together with a pretty clip and slid it into my top desk drawer.. It felt surprisingly good! Each morning and each night I read through my Directives. By doing so, it seems to energize me and help empower me to take some simple actions. And as I started doing them, I started feeling more positive.
When I felt it was consistently helpful and inspiring for me, I started telling some clients about it as a suggestion to try. What I learned from them, and found for myself, was that the directives worked best if they were simple and action oriented. The more focused they were, the more easily they could be followed. Another important thing was to read through them each morning and each night. The list served as a call to arms, so to speak. It focused my energy into what can be done. Another thing was to have them brief so that they could be read through quickly. And when you read it, your mindset should be future thinking, not a referendum on how you had done. Remind yourself you are not being graded, that it’s only for yourself, and that these steps are intentions and actions to take that have already been determined could make you feel better if you were to do them.
There are days now I forget or don’t have time, but over a year in, I still find it helpful. When I read them they feel like the voice of a familiar friend who is giving me a pep talk on what I can do to keep my life in balance. I have changed a few of them and tweaked a few, but overall they have remained pretty steady. I suppose this is because they reflect values I’m aspiring to as well. When I read through them, I associate the directives with the success they have brought me, which reinforces my effort. I also find my book of Action Directives serves as a call to return to my basics when life feels it is getting too complicated or I find myself overthinking and getting whiny. Which just may explain why I find it helpful to do this every day!