As therapists, we say “Name it to Tame it,” helping people put words to their fears and  pain in order to contain and cope with them.  But as I’m getting older, I’ve learned that in addition to “Name it to Tame It” we have to “Name it to Claim it!”  We need to put words to the beautiful – the things that we’re grateful for – with expressions of “I love you,” “I miss you” or “Thank you.” By naming the wonderful, we affirm our joy and fully embrace both the fulfillment and the hopeful pursuit of what and who matter to us most. 

I’m so lucky that I live in a house on a ridge top with a beautiful view overlooking our town, including a bird’s eye view of the lake I love to walk around.  When we first moved into our home, I woke every morning to the joy of that view. I soaked it in while drinking my coffee and was thrilled by the colors across the valley as the sun set.  I worried back then that I would grow accustomed to the view and take it for granted.  One of the great things that can come with age is more stability.  I’ve lived in this same house for 25 years.  I’ve been married to the same man for nearly 30.  I’ve had the same profession for 31 years with the same job for 10.  It would be easy to get used to the view.

But I’m also lucky that I’ve been in a profession that’s taught me the value of noticing, especially the good.  When people are hurting, isolated, depressed, or stressed, they can lose their ability to see the positive and the lovely.  I’m often, as I literally say, the “holder of hope” as they go through their darkness.  I spend time with them in intimate conversation and tease out the light and their strength overrun by the darkness and fear.  I’m always so touched by how a simple reflection of this beauty can bring someone to tears.  “You are working so hard to be a good father,” I might say, or “You’re giving so much to help your mother keep her dignity.”  These simple truths can be so powerful when spoken, affirming the grace of their intentions and the loving sacrifices behind their efforts.

Naming the wonderful should also include honoring our desires.  Often people are ashamed to express their loneliness or their longing for something better.  They measure themselves by  what they lack rather than what they dream of.  But the flip side of loneliness is a beautiful desire for connection.  Longing for a new profession, or home, or success is a garden bed for the seeds of change.  We cannot achieve our dreams until we allow ourselves to plant them.  

Stability can indeed be a great privilege, but it can also be a silent drain on our ability to appreciate things with freshness or to be faced with a risk or choice that helps us define our values.  I’m happy to report that I still look out our picture window multiple times a day and take in a deep breath of awe.  It’s easy to do, because it’s right in front of me and hard not to notice.  I only hope I can keep my eyes open for the other many beautiful things that I encounter on a daily basis.  Like the driving game of “punch buggy” (where you yell out “punch buggy” and hit someone on the arm when you see a Volkswagen beetle) you instantly see what you didn’t notice when you’re motivated to call it out.  Naming the wonderful is a great way of claiming what’s wonderful. Just don’t punch someone each time you do.