Last Monday, being Labor Day, is celebrated to honor American workers’ social and economic achievements.  But as anyone who has ever had a job knows, some days are better than others.  Some days we go to work full of enthusiasm and a determination to do our best.  But sometimes, when our dog just died, or after a rough custody hand-off, or when we’re filled with the fear of being laid off, just showing up is hard enough.  We still have to serve the customer, stock the shelf, or teach the class.  Everyday, whether we realize it or not, people around us are making heroic efforts to put aside their pain and do what they need to do, anyhow.  Through some periods of our life we need to be celebrated for our resilient capacity to put aside what is burdening us to get our job done.

My older daughter wisely says, “You just don’t know about people’s stories.”  She does a good job of giving people the benefit of the doubt when they might have been rude or unattentive.  This makes me think about my many clients who come to get support for their grief, their trauma, or their mental or physical illnesses.  They are so filled with emotion and pain and I get to provide them with a space and a time they can fall apart.  But I also know they have to put themselves back together to feed the kids, make the sale, and check on their mother.  I think about the energy it takes to stuff all of this mess back inside to show up for their jobs.  I am sure some of them are underperforming in regard to what is required or may be snapping at customers they find irritating.  But they are doing their best to perform.

One person eloquently told me, “Life doesn’t care if you have a broken heart.”  She held back her tears throughout her work day and then cried on her entire car ride home.  It takes a lot of energy to balance the processing of difficult emotions with taking care of our responsibilities and duties, especially when people count on us.  Perhaps these are the true Labor Days, when we need to give ourselves nurturing and compassion in order to keep on going.  We may need to take breaks frequently throughout our day, sometimes needing to get away from people and sometimes to connect.  We have to pace ourselves to keep up our momentum, balancing out our week ahead.  We have to identify when we have the most capacity, and let go a bit when we dip into our lows. And highly important, we need to schedule ourselves a big ‘ol reward for just making it through a day, a week, a meeting, or a meal.

“Lights, camera, bitch, smile / Even when you wanna die,” is a line from Taylor Swift’s song, “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart.”  Now there’s a woman who knows how to turn pain into power!  It’s not healthy or helpful to pretend your pain doesn’t exist. Our biggest challenge in order to move through our bad times is to open ourselves up to acceptance, love, and compassion. And we need to not only show this grace for ourselves, but remember to offer it to others.

I will never forget my Grandmother Rose sitting with my family as we watched a football game.  My brother was especially angry at how his team was performing (you guessed it, the NY Giants) and was exuding frustration and negativity.  With her sweet voice and heavy New York accent, she leaned over to him and said, “Dahling…don’t be so upset.  They’re doing the best they can.”