As every self helper will tell you, to be successful at change requires good preparation.  So as the New Year approaches I thought it’d be the right time to start thinking about New Year’s goals now.  Not about how to achieve them, yet, but which ones are even right for you.  Because, if you’re like most people, you tend to throw goals at yourself in the last week of December mostly out of frustration. So, with a few weeks left of 2023, I invite you to step back to look at the bigger picture of your life and where you are in it.  Taking time for some honest self awareness can help you get more clarity in evaluating your options.   Developing goals with the best fit is so important to being able to sustain them and to feel good about the process of change along the way.  

A first step to self awareness is to get really curious about yourself.  Having an attitude of curiosity brings a less judgmental and more open attitude to your self reflection.  What do you look forward to?  What keeps you up at night?  Who and what do you like to spend time with and what do you avoid?  What do you secretly fantasize about doing or being? What feels missing in your life?  What are you most grateful for?  Just noticing your own habits and tendencies is a good place to start to best understand what and how change can be folded into your life.  To make it more fun, try taking a personality assessment.  The 16 personalities assessment is a free online tool to start with (https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test ).  It was adapted from the Myers Briggs Type Indicator that reflects how you take in and use information, what motivates you and how you relate to the word.

Journaling is a great way to reflect on these questions and to focus your curiosity.  You can start with the above questions or look for prompts you can find by looking up journaling.  Write without editing, let your words pour out without having to decide if what you’re saying is true or not.  Journaling is found to be such a helpful tool as it takes ideas and makes them concrete.  In this way we can have the ideas, invite them in, and then work with them.  Journaling has the role of expanding exploration and expression and doesn’t require a commitment to anything in particular.  

Next, read through what you have written and reflect on it.  What parts excite you, interest you, annoy you?  What thoughts make you cringe or reassure you?  Look to see if you can find any themes or patterns.  Generally, if you journal enough, patterns do emerge that can be a guide to places or ideas ripe to work with.  Pay attention to your body and what it may be telling you in physical sensations.  Sometimes stress can actually be excitement or anxiety can be anticipation.  Try to boil down the themes of what you have written into a few important areas where you’d like to do more or do less.  

Now is the time to let your analytical mind step in.  First it’s important to sort out from your list what are “have to dos” and what are “want to dos.”  “Have to do’s” are tricky ideas because they have a way of setting us up.  If you feel you should lose weight, should spend time with your obnoxious uncle, or should make a certain number of sales at work, it may be because of external pressures.  Are you choosing these ideas because you want to please others or some expectation that is not in line with your current values?  

In working with people around goal setting I’m always amazed at how an initial list of goals really will evolve when we look at the underlying motivations and get clear about what is true for us or not.  Sometimes we feel shame in letting go of a goal because we think we “should” want it.  But the reality is, you’re very unlikely to sustain the effort toward a goal if it’s coming from a place of negativity.   To be clear, I’m not saying only choose goals that are fun.  If you have a health issue for example and need to make a change for your overall well being, you will have to challenge yourself, for sure.  But in all my 30 years of working with people, I’ve rarely seen anyone achieve a difficult goal because someone else told them they should.  Prolonged action toward a goal involves finding your own relationship to the goal that is motivating and brings meaning.  I do not mean happiness, but personal meaning.  Staying on a path to a goal involves purpose, even when it’s unpleasant or even painful.  Only you can be honest with yourself and shape your goals toward an achievement that will really mean something for you that is worth a commitment.

Once you have sorted ideas about changes that align with your values, spend some time mapping out what steps you can break it down into.  Outline a reasonable timeline and the smaller goals within the bigger desired outcome.  This may be a good point to bring in a trusted person who can help you brainstorm and give you some insight to build a plan.  They may have the ability to see things you have missed or assess the expectations with a kinder eye and ear.

And finally, think about how these goals and intentions are similar and different from years past.  With a curious and compassionate lens, ask yourself what got in the way and what might be a better approach.  Sometimes, you weren’t really ready for a goal and can work toward it by achieving other goals first.  Think of your goal setting like a strategic plan, with layers of foundation that can be achieved each year to get you toward your ultimate destination.

Most experts recommend choosing one to three main goals to work on at a time.  If you take on too many, it tends to wear you out and means your focus will be spread too thin to stay on track.   And look for signs that you may not have chosen the right ones and may need to adjust them. If you find yourself constantly needing a  “fresh start,” beware! Us “fresh start” people can find any reason to begin again  –   new outfit, new day, new idea!  But frequently needing a fresh start means you may have been a bit too ambitious or didn’t think through the possible setbacks that slip you up. t’s fine to take this as feedback and replan your approach. Because the goal is to prepare well enough that you won’t have to keep making a fresh start toward your goal, at least until the next New Year.