Since tonight we say goodbye to 2023 and usher in a new year full of possibility, I thought it’d be fun to review a few traditions I found from around the world.  With each ritual, the hope is to bring good luck and prosperity to all who participate.  So why not pick a few and give them a try?  What do you have to lose?  If nothing else you’ll start the year off with an open mind, behavioral flexibility, and maybe a good laugh.

Enjoy all things round.  Many cultures believe eating round foods on New Years will lead to prosperity.  In Italy, lentils represent coins with their round shape and in the Philippines it is customary to eat 12 round fruits, one for each month of the year, to ensure a year of abundance.  Here in the States, Southerners eat a dish called “Hoppin John” on New Year’s Day which is made of black-eyed peas, pork, and rice. The peas represent coins and the collard greens they are served with resemble paper money.  To further your luck, many families place a penny underneath the dishes.  If you don’t feel like eating something round, wearing Polka dots is also considered a way of bringing in good luck for party goers.

Other food traditions involve eating fish.  Fish move only in one direction, forward.  Eating fish is believed to keep you in pace with the movement of time in the year ahead.  And if you are too full to eat your traditions, there are a couple involving odd food usage.  In Ireland, you bang the Christmas bread on the walls of your home to chase away bad spirits and start the year with a clean slate.  To Greeks, onions are a symbol of good luck and fertility because they sprout when no one is paying attention.  On New Year’s eve Greek families hang bundles of onions above their doors to invite in prosperity.  And on New Year’s day, parents wake up their children by bonking them on the head with those same onions!  

And if smashing is your thrill, Turkey has your tradition!  Smash a pomegranate on your front porch.  The more pieces and the farther apart they spread, the more prosperous your year will be.  And for a little peace, sprinkle some salt in front of your door to boot.  In Denmark, people go around smashing dishes on the doorsteps of their friends and family homes.  The more shards there are the next day, the luckier they will be.  

And then there are the water traditions.  Since the 1900s the Polar Bear Plunge has been a ritual, starting off the year by submerging in freezing cold water.  In Brazil, you would go to the beach and jump seven waves.  Plan carefully, because you get one wish for each wave you jump.  But if getting wet is not your preference, just dump the water out of your window.  In Puerto Rico, they believe dumping a bucket of water out the window drives away evil spirits.  (It may also drive away any possible unexpected guests.)

Want a drier option?  How about wearing the right underwear?  Certain countries, especially in Latin America, believe the color of your underwear can bring good things for you in the next 12 months.  Yellow is for luck, red is for love, and white brings peace.  You may need to do the laundry in preparation!  Clean underwear only for the New Year, please.  

And for those desiring adventure, do as the Columbians do.  They take empty suitcases and run around the block as fast as they can.  This ensures a year full of travel.  But beware of visiting guests who bring their own suitcases.  In Scotland, the “first footer,” or visitor, in the New Year, is extremely important.  Tradition suggests you choose a man who is tall and dark (to protect against Vikings), who comes with gifts of coal, salt, shortbread and whiskey, representing the basic needs of heat, food, and drink. (Now that makes for interesting unwrapping).

And don’t forget your own beloveds…all species of them!   Belgian farmers rise early on January 1st and wish  “Happy New Year” to their family members as well as their chickens, horses, pigs, cows and any other living being in their care.  For me, I will surely cheer in my year with my recent family additions, my two young mini donkeys, Zeus and Apollo.  Their first New Year’s Day!  And it’s me who really needs the good luck (and for them to be on my good side).  So far, they outsmart me, quite regularly.  

However you choose to celebrate, please know the gratitude I feel for your reading my words and being able to share my ideas with you all throughout the year.  Happy 2024!!!

Now that you’ve spent some time “preparing to get prepared” for goal setting (my last post), it’s time to set up an action plan.  An action plan moves a goal from being abstract to being tangible.  For example, after some time reflecting about choosing an area of growth and change that matters to me, I realized I need to slow down.  I’ve been making a lot of errors, some without much consequence, but some that have cost me time, money, and embarrassment!  In exploring it with myself in a truthful manner, I realized I try to multitask too much, and end up mixing things up and making careless mistakes.  But slowing down is a rather vague goal. While it aligns with my values of wanting to be more thoughtful and precise, it needs to be further defined in order to make the change actually happen.  Otherwise it’s just a wish.  Having a specific plan of action to support a change is an important step in setting yourself up for success.  So in preparation for the impending New Year and the fresh start on our resolutions/goals, I wanted to review the literature on what and how to implement change in the most effective way.

First think about the positive outcome you’d like in pursuing this goal.  Create a vision for what this will be like for you in the real world, such as having sugar levels in the normal range from pre-diabetic, becoming a non-smoker, or in my case, making fewer mistakes in my daily life.  Now define this vision as best you can into what behaviors would make this change possible.  For example, lowering sugar levels might mean eating more vegetables, exercising more, and daily monitoring.  Now further define these goals into specific steps that you can measure and keep track of.  For example, for me, my plan would be to schedule a time three times a week to take care of paperwork rather than squeezing it in between things.  Now write down these steps in positive language: “I will eat one vegetable with lunch and dinner daily.  Or “I will go for a hike three times a week.”

Research shows that actually writing your goals down makes it more likely you will do them.  Also, posting them in an area where you see it frequently will keep it in the forefront of your mind.  And having some accountability is important as well.  Write into your action plan how you will evaluate your progress and when.  It helps to have a partner with whom you share your goals and plans.  Telling people tends to be a high predictor of people’s follow through.  Buddy up with someone you feel comfortable with and review how things are going. In one study, respondents were 42% more likely to accomplish their goals when they were in writing.  The success rate went up to 76% when participants wrote down their goals, developed a plan, told a friend, and kept the friend in the loop!  It’s really important not to be judgmental around any setbacks.  Make it as impersonal as possible.  What is wrong is the plan, not you!  Look honestly at what is getting in the way and readjust your plan to align better with your reality.  

The three top reasons why people fail at their resolutions, according to research, are actually all attitude dependent.  The first is that we try to do too much.  We need to keep our focus  narrow and on making small steps that will lead to bigger ones.  The second reason is expecting change to happen quickly.  Lasting change takes time.  We can make a change in behavior quickly with a big burst of focus and effort, but it takes a sustained period of time for change to become our new normal.  People often get discouraged if things don’t happen right away.  Setting realistic expectations will help you to stay positive and enjoy the progress.  Finally, the third reason people give up on their goals is by quitting after a “failure.”  Viewing “failure” as data to learn from is a very important part of the process of change.  How fast you shake off a slip up and get back on track is a big predictor of achieving long term success.  

And my final piece of advice on the topic of change this year?  Celebrate along the way!  Don’t wait until next year to toast yourself.  Pick frequent milestones you can reward yourself for achieving.  And don’t forget, effort counts!  Even if you don’t hit the goals exactly, choose some rewards for staying committed and positive and not giving up.  Highlighting progress reinforces it and solidifies your gains.  Or your losses!  Whatever your goal, small steps make the journey.  Laugh along the way and enjoy the view.

As every self helper will tell you, to be successful at change requires good preparation.  So as the New Year approaches I thought it’d be the right time to start thinking about New Year’s goals now.  Not about how to achieve them, yet, but which ones are even right for you.  Because, if you’re like most people, you tend to throw goals at yourself in the last week of December mostly out of frustration. So, with a few weeks left of 2023, I invite you to step back to look at the bigger picture of your life and where you are in it.  Taking time for some honest self awareness can help you get more clarity in evaluating your options.   Developing goals with the best fit is so important to being able to sustain them and to feel good about the process of change along the way.  

A first step to self awareness is to get really curious about yourself.  Having an attitude of curiosity brings a less judgmental and more open attitude to your self reflection.  What do you look forward to?  What keeps you up at night?  Who and what do you like to spend time with and what do you avoid?  What do you secretly fantasize about doing or being? What feels missing in your life?  What are you most grateful for?  Just noticing your own habits and tendencies is a good place to start to best understand what and how change can be folded into your life.  To make it more fun, try taking a personality assessment.  The 16 personalities assessment is a free online tool to start with (https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test ).  It was adapted from the Myers Briggs Type Indicator that reflects how you take in and use information, what motivates you and how you relate to the word.

Journaling is a great way to reflect on these questions and to focus your curiosity.  You can start with the above questions or look for prompts you can find by looking up journaling.  Write without editing, let your words pour out without having to decide if what you’re saying is true or not.  Journaling is found to be such a helpful tool as it takes ideas and makes them concrete.  In this way we can have the ideas, invite them in, and then work with them.  Journaling has the role of expanding exploration and expression and doesn’t require a commitment to anything in particular.  

Next, read through what you have written and reflect on it.  What parts excite you, interest you, annoy you?  What thoughts make you cringe or reassure you?  Look to see if you can find any themes or patterns.  Generally, if you journal enough, patterns do emerge that can be a guide to places or ideas ripe to work with.  Pay attention to your body and what it may be telling you in physical sensations.  Sometimes stress can actually be excitement or anxiety can be anticipation.  Try to boil down the themes of what you have written into a few important areas where you’d like to do more or do less.  

Now is the time to let your analytical mind step in.  First it’s important to sort out from your list what are “have to dos” and what are “want to dos.”  “Have to do’s” are tricky ideas because they have a way of setting us up.  If you feel you should lose weight, should spend time with your obnoxious uncle, or should make a certain number of sales at work, it may be because of external pressures.  Are you choosing these ideas because you want to please others or some expectation that is not in line with your current values?  

In working with people around goal setting I’m always amazed at how an initial list of goals really will evolve when we look at the underlying motivations and get clear about what is true for us or not.  Sometimes we feel shame in letting go of a goal because we think we “should” want it.  But the reality is, you’re very unlikely to sustain the effort toward a goal if it’s coming from a place of negativity.   To be clear, I’m not saying only choose goals that are fun.  If you have a health issue for example and need to make a change for your overall well being, you will have to challenge yourself, for sure.  But in all my 30 years of working with people, I’ve rarely seen anyone achieve a difficult goal because someone else told them they should.  Prolonged action toward a goal involves finding your own relationship to the goal that is motivating and brings meaning.  I do not mean happiness, but personal meaning.  Staying on a path to a goal involves purpose, even when it’s unpleasant or even painful.  Only you can be honest with yourself and shape your goals toward an achievement that will really mean something for you that is worth a commitment.

Once you have sorted ideas about changes that align with your values, spend some time mapping out what steps you can break it down into.  Outline a reasonable timeline and the smaller goals within the bigger desired outcome.  This may be a good point to bring in a trusted person who can help you brainstorm and give you some insight to build a plan.  They may have the ability to see things you have missed or assess the expectations with a kinder eye and ear.

And finally, think about how these goals and intentions are similar and different from years past.  With a curious and compassionate lens, ask yourself what got in the way and what might be a better approach.  Sometimes, you weren’t really ready for a goal and can work toward it by achieving other goals first.  Think of your goal setting like a strategic plan, with layers of foundation that can be achieved each year to get you toward your ultimate destination.

Most experts recommend choosing one to three main goals to work on at a time.  If you take on too many, it tends to wear you out and means your focus will be spread too thin to stay on track.   And look for signs that you may not have chosen the right ones and may need to adjust them. If you find yourself constantly needing a  “fresh start,” beware! Us “fresh start” people can find any reason to begin again  –   new outfit, new day, new idea!  But frequently needing a fresh start means you may have been a bit too ambitious or didn’t think through the possible setbacks that slip you up. t’s fine to take this as feedback and replan your approach. Because the goal is to prepare well enough that you won’t have to keep making a fresh start toward your goal, at least until the next New Year.