I remember a time,  long ago,  when I was deciding to apply to graduate school. The thought of going for a doctorate seemed so daunting that I was starting to look into getting a masters degree, instead.  My Father looked at me and shook his head.  “You won’t be satisfied with a Masters,” he said,  “I know you.”  And the fact was, he was right.  He knew I loved to learn and that education was not just a goal for me, but a strong value.  An ambition he, in fact, had helped instill.  While my Mother was a great influence in many areas, it was my Father who understood and encouraged my educational drive.  Looking back, I am so grateful that I had the influence and perspectives from both of my parents.  And so with this Father’s Day I will highlight the benefits of Dads.

A few statistics to start:  According to a research overview by a professors at Rutgers University, nearly 90% of all studies since 1980 on father involvement showed a significantly positive association between positive father involvement and child well being.  In an analysis of over 100 studies on parent-child relationships, having a loving and nurturing father was found to be as important as a loving and nurturing mother to a child’s happiness and well being.  According to the research of Dr. Pruett at the University of Pennsylvania, children who feel a closeness and warmth with their father are twice as likely to enter college, 75% less likely to have a child as a teenager, 80% less likely to be incarcerated, and half as likely to show signs of depression.

Since my own childhood, the identity of  a “father” has changed significantly.  Gender role stereotypes have loosened, thank goodess, as my husband is a much better cook than I am and you better ask him to sew on your button if you want it to stay.  I know for sure  that my husband is more patient and less reactive to my daughters’ upsets and is much better at using humor to lighten their mood.  I’d like to think we are complementary in our styles and offer differing role models from careful co-parenting, but the fact is, just having someone who loves and respects my children as a parent partner is a big plus.  When I am tired, he can step in, when I am frustrated, he can be calm.  When I am busy, he can take over, and when I am concerned, I have an ally.  We are all much better off with his dependability and caring

Being a daughter, and having two of my own, I have thoroughly enjoyed the “#girl-dad” pride movement.  I think the idea that a father would prefer to have a son was a limiting and harmful notion.  “Girl dad” not only shines a light on the special relationship that can exist between fathers and daughters, but I think it also empowers men in the cause of breaking down barriers for young women that they may not have been so aware of until they see how it might affect their own child.  When I think about my Father with me, and the role my husband has with my daughters, I see the importance of dads as role models for how a man can be supportive and engaged in all areas of family life.  My Father set a tone that I was not only respected, but expected to challenge myself.  And my Father also set an expectation within me that my husband would need to show up for me and my daughters.  

I miss my Dad.  He saw me in a way that no one else did.  And while I have to admit, I do get a little jealous that my husband can see my daughters in a way that I cannot, I am also really happy about it.  Father’s affirm children in a way that is vitally important for each family in its own configuration, but also for society as a whole.  “Child dad” is a proven investment for the well-being of all.  My Dad taught me a lot about sports, negotiating, using a vice grip, and how to hide out at the hardware store to get a break.  But I’d like to think we taught each other a lot about empathy and intimacy.  I certainly know that when I graduated with honors with my doctorate, my Dad wasn’t surprised, even if I was.  While his PhD was in chemical engineering, it didn’t matter to him.  I was now the second Dr. Weissbein in the family, having reached the highest level in a field I loved to study.