When a fear of change becomes so intense, it’s called metathesiophobia.  In this condition, persistent unrealistic and intense anxiety is felt whenever facing a new situation or experience.  And if you’re thinking at this moment that this describes you, you’re not alone.  In fact, everyone experiences a fear of change to some degree, even when change is positive.  In today’s post, I want to give a pep talk, of sorts, to help us all cope a little better with the stress of change.

Whenever there’s change, even ones we choose or desire, there will be stress.  Change brings about uncertainty and unpredictability, both states that usually bring us creatures of habit (all rational human beings) discomfort.  Change usually brings up our own self doubt and a sense of vulnerability.  It pushes us out of our comfort zones and into the realm of the unknown.  Depending on your biology and your history, some people find change more frightening than others.  But avoiding change can lead to a limited life, staying in unfulfilling, even toxic situations, when we yearn to have better.  And this can become a vicious cycle.  The desire for but inability to make a change can further erode our confidence and lead to more distress.

Making peace with change is essential for healthy living.  Change is inevitable and is the very nature of life.  If we view change as a threat, we live in fear.  But if we view change as an opportunity for growth, we can add an element of excitement to the process of living.  But opening to change requires tolerating pain.  Yes, I’m sorry to say it, but it’s true.  No evolution or growth happens without periods of change, and change will challenge our needs for safety, comfort, and predictability.  But the truth is, if you look closely, you’re an expert at change. You’ve been doing it well ever since you were born.  Every birthday that comes along, every gift of a new day, has come with change.  You are far from the same person you were as a child and as a teen.  You have endured transitions and graduations, layers of losses and first days of so many, many new things.  But we forget our successes as we look to the future. When we fear change, we get distracted by the potential for pain.  We become so focused on avoiding failure, embarrassment, or making a mistake, we miss out on the excitement and potential for growing into a change. 

So how do we cope and put the fear and discomfort aside?  One step is to prepare yourself as much as possible to reduce the unknown.  Do whatever research you can and plan ahead as best as is possible.  Another tool is to remind yourself of changes that have gone well in the past and how you achieved them.  Monitoring your thinking will also be important. Watch for negative self talk and unrealistic “what if” thinking. There is a difference between rehearsing and preparing and overthinking and over worrying.  Make sure you are envisioning success just as much as preparing for failure.  And have a support team.  Staying alone in your own thoughts can be scary.  Have some people you trust who can be your cheerleaders and who can be excited with you as you take steps in your process of change.

And a last bit of sage coping advice?  There is a mantra that is common in helping people deal with anxiety about change, based on many years of collective wisdom from psychologists, monks, wellness gurus, and sometimes even your teenager. It can be used in all circumstances and at any age.  Here it is:  take a big sigh and say the words “Oh, well.”

Whatever happens, you will move on.  Change requires courage just as much in doing something as it does in letting go.  You cannot predict what will happen, you cannot guarantee an outcome.  All you can do is have faith that whatever happens, whether it is a surge of success or a miserable failure, that you will get through it and learn from it.  Regardless of the outcome, you took a risk, gathered up the courage and tried something new.  And what most people find is that regardless of how a change works out, your life will be more exciting and ultimately more rewarding than living in a sameness shackled by the fear of change.  And who really wants to pronounce metathesiophobia, anyhow?