So, you’ve gone through the process of deliberation and have decided change is needed and/or desired.  Now that the scale has tipped toward making change, the topic of this post is how to get ready.  Stage 3, or the Preparation Stage, is all about the plan.  It’s easy to underestimate the importance of this stage, as it tends to be the quickest of the stages, as Preparers are on the verge of and are motivated for change.  But having the right strategy for change is so important for success and if not done well, can undermine your efforts and quickly zap both your confidence and motivation.

While Preparers still experience ambivalence, the quality of this is more along the lines of not whether change is needed, but if it will be possible.  Preparers are eager, but wrestle with fears and self doubt.  They tend to start making small changes to prepare for the bigger change and can be excited or discouraged based on how these smaller steps go. For example, they may switch to lower fat foods if the goal is weight loss, or begin smoking an hour later in the morning if being nicotine free is the change desired.  The important outcome of this stage is to make a realistic plan.  Commitment to change without a good long term game plan can undermine your efforts and lead to disappointment and frustration.

In the Preparation Stage it helps to gather information both externally and internally.  Externally, doing a good search for structures and strategies that can guide you is a great idea.  For example, if weight loss or eating healthier is your goal, you can find a lot of information about different options such as Whole 30, Weight Watchers, or Intermittent Fasting.  You can also look for groups or communities that will be a good source of information and ongoing support and encouragement.  It’s good to find resources not only to help in the transition of change, but also thinking ahead to maintaining the change.  For example Nicotine Anonymous is a great resource for quitting smoking and has a wide range of meeting times and locations.  Or finding a local hiking club if your goal is to get more active.

But don’t get lost in the planning, Preparers.  It can be overwhelming to research all the possibilities and options.  This is where the internal preparation is so important, asking yourself what plan seems best suited for your lifestyle and personality.  To be successful at change, you need a realistic assessment of the difficulty of the desired change and the strategy you are going to use to make it.  It helps to look at past efforts and where they were derailed as well as potential barriers that might get in your way.  For example, increasing exercise in the winter in cold climates during a pandemic will be especially difficult, with gyms closed and storms on the way.  This may be a good time to ask for help in creative problem solving, either from trusted people or a professional who may have ideas and experience you have not considered.  

During this stage, journaling is a great tool.  It gives you a chance to reflect and play with ideas.  Some questions that are helpful to explore:

What possible obstacles or conflicts may arise?

What mindsets, habits, or behaviors might sabotage your efforts?

How will achieving your desired change affect others in your life (family, friends)?

Are there any sacrifices you will need to make? Are you ready to make them?

How will your life need to change in order for you to achieve your end result?

Is the end result aligned with your core values and beliefs?

Asking yourself these important questions before you begin a significant life change can save you time, effort, and heartache, and allow you to make any necessary adjustments ahead of time.  In addition, it’s a good time to take stock of your assets.  It can help build your confidence to see that you already have a number of things in your favor that can be called on when needed.  Make a list of your resources, such as money you can invest in your change, skills you already have, people in your life who can support you, or any other special skills, training, or experience you can draw on.  For most of us, we may also find we have some missing pieces in our arsenal of assets.  Preparation is a great time to also assess the assets you will need and begin to build them.  You may need to adopt new mindsets, obtain training to have a new skill, create a physical space for your endeavor and a calendar of time commitment in your schedule.  Planning for how to be prepared is about breaking down your big change into its component pieces.

Finally, once you have created your multi step plan, you need to create a Plan B…or C…or D.   No matter how well you prepare there will always be obstacles and bumps in the road.   Of course you can’t anticipate everything, but having an overall strategy can help you ride through any setback.  For example, if you get off course, who can guide you?  If the people in your life are not supportive and they resist your change, how can you address it?  A good part of the preparation for change is to accept that it will not be a straight journey toward your destintion, but an uneven series of hills and valleys, lefts and rights, and frustrating detours.  Anticipating this will help keep you from being upended by any particular unexpected pothole!

Stage 3 Preparation:  Commitment to change is achieved, but still considering what to do and how  Primary Task– Identify the best strategy for you and create a plan

While my last post focused on the Pre-Contemplation phase of change (Stage 1), when you tend to avoid and deny the need for change, a shift into Stage 2, Contemplation,  is achieved when you gain an awareness and acceptance of this need.  But now that you’re considering the change, the pros and cons are in constant consideration.   The hallmark of Contemplation is ambivalence, a back and forth of conflicting emotions regarding whether or not it’s worth taking action toward the change you now accept should be made.  Like riding a swing, Contemplators go back and forth and back and forth, spending a lot of energy, but not actually going anywhere just yet. 

Contemplators are more aware of the personal consequences of a bad habit and are able to think about the possibilities of change.  They may be more open to seeing the negative aspects of their behavior and the positives that would come with a change, yet, they doubt if the long term benefits will be worth the cost.  As the desire for change gets more real, so does the awareness of what may get in the way.  The good news is that Contemplators increasingly are open to information about their specific problem, such as reading books or going to websites, and are more open to discussing and reflecting on their conflicting thoughts and feelings.

The challenge to Contemplators is getting stuck in “all talk and no action.”  How many times have we made a plan, talked with our friends about it over and over again, but never put the plan into action?  We get stuck in the ambivalence, wanting change but not having the confidence or motivation quite up to breaking the impasse.  Contemplation can be thought of as the thinking phase, where we think and think about doing something.  For some people the thinking may lead to eventual doing, but for some people, thinking is as far as they may ever get.

This can be frustrating, both within ourselves and with others.  When you’re with a Contemplator, it’s natural to want to push them into action.  Enough already, we want to tell them, or tell ourselves: “Stop talking and do something!”  In order to support someone in Contemplation, it’s best not to become judgmental, but to ask questions that aim to build confidence and highlight the benefits.  For example it may be good to ask about why change is desired, what is preventing change, and what could help them make a small step in the direction of the change.  In Contemplation, supporting a person in gathering more information, exploring answers to any questions, and tipping the balance toward the benefits of change vs the cost is most helpful.  Supporting  a Contemplator look at change as a process of gaining something, emotional, mental, or physical, rather than giving up something may encourage them to move them past their ambivalence.

Riding the back and forth of whether or not to make a change is uncomfortable.   And yet, at this point, it may feel more comfortable than taking the risk of actual change.  As I look at journals about my News Year’s Resolutions over the past years, I can clearly see my own pattern of Contemplation.  In just reading them I want to strangle the part of me that blabs on and on about all I’m going to do, clearly not doing it, as there it is again in next year’s goals. At some point I hope to get up enough speed with my efforts to launch myself off the swing!  But until I do, at least I have a fancy name for my process.  I’m not doing nothing…I’m Contemplating.

Stage 2: Contemplation – Sees the possibility of change but is amivalent and uncertain. Primary Task:  Resolving ambivalence, choosing change.