I voted last week and boy did it feel good!  So good, in fact, I wanted to keep the little “I Voted” sticker on for days and grab another one to wear on election day.  The afterglow is still with me even now.  It just feels like such a relief to finally have a chance to do something for change and to express my opinion about what has been going on the last four years. 

Realistically, my vote matters very little.  I live in California that tends to vote heavily blue and my one vote among so many millions is not going to be the deciding factor.  Even knowing this, though, it still feels like I, personally, finally had my say!  This got me thinking about the psychological benefits of voting.  It turns out, according to the American Psychological Association and other political scientists, there is a measurable mental health benefit to voting.

Voting does in fact make you happy!  Studies show people who vote have higher levels of happiness, likely because it makes you feel a part of a larger group.  It ties you to your community and brings people together for a cause bigger than themselves.  Voting is tied to a feeling of inner peace, largely related to having engaged in a pro-social activity.  And most significantly, according to research, voting benefits mental health as it empowers people, giving you a voice in changing what is important to you. 

“When you believe you are doing something that could make your life better, that’s where the most psychological benefits come in,” says Lynn Sanders, a political science professor at the University of Virginia.  The act of voting transforms into an act of protest and an opportunity to stand up for what you believe in.  Even if your candidate loses, having voted helps you cope better with the results.  Marc Zimmerman, a researcher in voting behavior, finds that even if you don’t end up with your desired results, having participated makes you feel good.  “We find people are happier with the outcome and they feel more in control of their lives if they voted, rather than feeling things don’t matter.”  Even though the positive benefits of voting are better if your candidate or issues win, there are still positive psychological effects in that you were able to make your opinion known.

Research also shows the benefit for kids in watching their parents vote.  Children become more involved in the issues and are more likely to engage in critical thinking when parents share their participation in the political process, even if the kids are too young to vote.  They, too, feel a sense of increased control and empowerment when they believe their interests are being represented by their parents’ vote.

I have been so moved by the reports and images of people waiting in line for so many hours to vote (also appalled that this is happening in our country).  It gives me hope that people care and want to be active in shaping our country.  And selfishly, I must admit, in experiencing this great feeling, it makes me want to get and stay even more involved.  Being politically engaged and active is something I could and should do all year round.  This joy is cheaper than a vacation, less calories than ice cream, and lasts longer than a cocktail buzz.  It also makes me feel grateful and humbled that I live in a country and a time where I have this right and privilege at all.   So, please, do yourself a favor.     If you haven’t already, make sure you vote.  You’ll be happier because you did.

In honoring RBG after her passing, clips were shown of her sharing the advice she was given on her wedding day: “In every good marriage,” Ginsburg’s mother-in-law said, “it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.”  This reminded me of the great advice my Grandmother Rose gave me when I got engaged.  In honor of my 25th wedding anniversary this week, I thought I would share her advice and what it’s meant to me.

“Never do in the first year of marriage what you’re not prepared to do for the rest of your life,” she said to me.  Being rather young and naive, it sounded like great advice to me.  But I took it pretty literally.  I thought about the sharing of household duties and decisions about our finances and what precedents I did or did not want to set.  It was all very practical and, I can admit now, rather defensive.  I looked at everything through the lens of what I did not want to get stuck doing or be expected to do from then on. Luckily my husband is a pretty easy going guy and knew it was important to me to keep my independence, especially as I was freaked out about giving up my aspects of my identity in moving to California.

But now 25 years in, I am older, and hopefully wiser, and think just as much about that advice, but from a very different perspective.  Rather than thinking about what I should not do in that first year, I think about what I should keep doing that I did do in that first year.  The mindset of young lovers is a beautiful thing. When we’re fresh in a relationship and falling in love, we tend to give each other the benefit of the doubt, we express our love frequently and delight in the words of the other person and enjoy how we make them happy.  We stay in the moment and don’t throw our history of complaints at them (ok, mostly because we don’t have many) or stay bitter.  We see the best in each other and project that lovely image forward to a lifetime of respected, adoring, and empathic partnership.

Like everyone blessed to reach this milestone, my husband and I have been through a lot together; births, deaths, illness,  fires, professional ups and downs, and financial challenges.  But looking back, it isn’t the magnanimous gestures that I most appreciate, but the little ways we were there for eachother; the steady, trustworthy, reliable voice at the end of the day that said through actions and listening far more than any words that we are loved and valued.  

And to my beloved groom, I still want to make you happy, I still envision our future together, and respect your opinion immensely about most everything.  I want you to live your dreams and know that you feel cherished.  I feel so blessed at all you have taught me and the partnership and family we have created and nurtured together.  And yes, we argue over the same topics and get annoyed at the same pet peeves with one another, but the stability of knowing we can disagree andbe angry, we can say things we regret and forget to do what we promised, but have the faith in our commitment that we are going to say we are sorry and not just say we will do better, but mean it.

And for me, at our 25th anniversary with all of the history together behind us, I look forward to a renewed commitment each year of my grandmother’s wise words:  We will do for each other what we did in our first year of marriage for the rest of our lives.

Funny note, we were finally going to do the honeymoon we never had and go to Greece this week.  That fell through due to the pandemic.  We thought we would play it safe and so we booked a night at a local spa with a mineral pool for soaking.  That just got canceled due to wildfire evacuations.  Such is 2020!  Hopefully we can celebrate it all for our 26th!