This is not a post to take a side.  I’m not advocating for staying “locked down” or for “opening up”.  What I am advocating is for us to resist the temptation to what we call in psychology “black and white thinking.”  Black and white thinking is when we divide into extreme positions on one side of an issue or another while missing all the shades of gray. This style of thinking is, in fact, considered a defense mechanism.  Against what?  Against the painful complexity of not being sure, of uncomfortable inconsistencies and complexities, and of the scary feeling that we may not be doing things “the right way.”

I’ve noticed as each state begins to “open up,”  there’s a lot of opinions about what is acceptable.   On the extremes are people who feel the whole lock down is a bogus infringement on “freedom”.  On the other extreme are people who are horrified by anyone who selfishly ventures out and puts the entire community’s “safety at risk”.  These extremes come down to an argument, along with harsh judgments, regarding the perception of freedom versus safety.  And this to me is a great example of the polarizing effect of black and white thinking.  

The fact is, if you really think about it, you can’t be free if you are not safe. Both of these concepts need to come together as we consider what is the “right” or “best” thing to do.  For those of us who have an underlying health condition, the terror of becoming infected is a great infringement on our freedom.  And for those of us who are financially on the edge, needing to return to work or open a business, the financial implications are also a great infringement on our freedom.  Because in order to be free, we need a certain amount of safety.

Safety comes in many forms.  It can be the safety of knowing where your next meal is coming and where you will be sleeping each night.  Safety also comes in the form of being free of debilitating health concerns or at least having access to the care you need.  And it also can be the safety of knowing you are free from violence or abuse.  Or freedom from overwhelming emotional distress such as anxiety and depression.  Freedom and safety are not opposites, but in my mind are very much interrelated.

My older daughter put it really well when we were talking about the polarization’s happening all over social media: “You don’t know someone else’s story,” she said.  So very true and this perspective gets right to the heart of the debate.  When we judge someone for their actions, we don’t really know all that is going on for them that’s behind the choices they’re making.  It’s a defense mechanism to think that we know better what is the right way to be.  The simple truth is, these are complicated times with unprecedented uncertainty.  We still don’t know enough about COVID-19, the ways that it is transmitted, what it means to be infected, and the long term implications for our health and for our economy.  Uncertainty is hard to tolerate, especially on such a long term basis with such gigantic implications.  And so we retreat to our corners where certainty feels more comfortable and reassuring. 

What we all have in common is a sense of threat that is invisible and yet so very real.  How we respond to this threat is so important in terms of our capacity to ride it through and work together as a community and society.  We are all doing our best to make good choices and to manage our own safety issues. (Can my hair be considered a safety issue?  It is definitely becoming a threat).  So I invite us all to avoid the temptation to run to the black side or the white side.  Now more than ever we need to try on the various shades of gray (like my hair). Freedom and safety are not mutually exclusive. Being human is all about being vulnerable and doing our best to manage our lives through the choices we make, hopefully out of love and thoughtfulness rather than fear and rigidity.