I recently heard a little technique that has had a relatively powerful effect on my attitude and mood at times when I’ve needed it.  It came from a woman in one of the groups I am fortunate to facilitate. (If there’s an original author who should get credit, I apologize, I did my best to find you via Google). This tool is quick, involves just one word, but takes me from a feeling of obligation and low enthusiasm to a feeling of gratitude and enthusiasm.  The word is “get” and replaces the word “have” in this simple sentence: “I get to” versus “I have to”. (Hand to head in explosion gesture!)

Here’s the magic:  I am driving home from work pretty tired.  I suddenly realize that I never made it to the grocery store over the weekend and have very little with which to make dinner. Worse yet, we’re out of coffee for the morning.  I feel a heaviness in my already worn out body as I tell myself, “You have to go to the grocery store.” I imagine the busy parking lot, the annoyance at how long it takes to think about and find what I need, the long line at check out and feel a sense of dread.  I picture this exhausting scenario versus just going straight home to take off my heels and lounge on the couch. I feel annoyed and obligated, burdened and resentful.

Then I wave the wand by substituting the word “get” for “have” and say out loud, “You GET to go the grocery store.”  I know it sounds so hokey, but it suddenly shifts my energy. I’m suddenly thinking about all the fresh produce I am so lucky to have available here in Sonoma County.  I think of all the work that has gone into the production of the food and other items I will consume. I begin to think more creatively about what I might make for dinner and don’t take for granted that I can just walk in and purchase what I need to satisfy my hunger. I am now in a frame of mind of appreciation and bounty, gratitude and openness.

It doesn’t work every time to that degree, but each time I’ve tried it (I experimented with it for a month before feeling good about writing about it), I always find something good about what I “have” to do that makes me feel more open.  With a change in that one little word I move from an attitude of victimhood to a feeling of privilege; from looking at what is negative about what I’m about to do to looking at what is positive. I see each activity in my life for the choice it really is rather than the obligation.  

As someone who enjoys both reading and writing, I am a lover of words. I often reflect on the choice of language and what it means in my writing and in my work with people as a facilitator of self expression and communication.  But every once in a while an example of the power of vocabulary comes along and rocks my world (yes, I know, I am old.) It’s the closest thing to magic or miracle I know. So please, give it a try and see what it does for you.  I promise, there’s no danger, no side effects, and it doesn’t cost you a penny. And since it’s all in your mind, you never have to worry about leaving your wand or magic hat at home!