My younger daughter invited me to attend a talk given by the distinguished astronaut Sunita Williams.  What an impressive person! Having graduated from the Naval Academy, she learned to fly helicopters and did so in several tours of duty, then she became a test pilot, and eventually was chosen to become an astronaut.  After piloting the space shuttle, she moved on to become the Commander during her six months of time on the International Space Station. My daughter, being the curious and persistent young woman she is, waited and waited in line to greet Commander Williams.  The advice she gave my daughter, as a young woman interested in a male dominated field of science, was well worth the price of admission and I think a gift to share with others.

“Confidence comes from competence” was her message.  In other words, learn, train and practice practice practice.  In order to be taken seriously she had to be good at what she did.  Out in space, no one cared about her gender as long as she could keep them alive in a crisis. She had to keep practicing and improving her skills in order to be as best prepared for whatever might happen that she could not ever anticipate.  At the same time, she had to have the humility to accurately evaluate herself and take feedback. She shared about the importance of a leader knowing how and when to be a follower as a critical skill for success. As a leader, she had to have confidence enough to give way to other’s opinions without being threatened.   

Confidence without competence is entitlement  In a Harvard Business Review article by Thomas Chamarro-Premuzic, titled “Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders,” he addresses this problem.  He posits that we often fail to distinguish between confidence and competence and concludes that this bias toward confidence “too often results in the selection of arrogant and self-centered leaders.”  These very traits (overvaluing yourself) are actually inversely related to leadership ability. He further writes: “The paradoxical implication is that the same psychological characteristics that enable male managers to rise to the  top of the corporate ladder also leads to their downfall.” Being a good self promoter is not just different from, but in direct contrast to what it takes to actually be a good leader.

We may not aspire to be a space walker or a Fortune 500 business leader, but we each have goals of things we’re learning to do that are really difficult.  We feel awkward and insincere when we first do them. But with practice, if we keep learning and practicing, the confidence does come. The more we try, the better we will  get, the more confident we will be. If we wait to have confidence, we’ll never have the chance to get the competence! And as Sunita Williams suggests, true confidence, the kind that allows for humility and team work, comes when we continue to put ourselves to the test over and over again.  The deeper we build our foundation of competence, the more stability there will be for our confidence!