I had the pleasure of attending the Senior Awards night at my daughter’s high school (congratulations Alana).  I was so touched by the whole event and impressed by the teachers for taking the time to say personal words about each student.  But what really made me happy was to hear the description of the effort and passion demonstrated that earned each their award. I have written before about the Growth Mindset (Carol Dweck’s work on the importance of rewarding effort) but it was such a delight to see it in action.  It got me thinking about awards, effort, and life’s great challenges.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all give out awards when merited?  All around us are prize winning efforts that so frequently go unnoticed or unappreciated for the great feats they truly are. Thousands of people are devoted caregivers for people they love.  Grandparents are stepping up to parent when a child is unable. Noble employers make the extra effort to help a struggling employee. I am very sure most all of us have had to bear some burden that we worked so  hard to get through. We did it because it needed to get done. We did it in hope for a better life for ourselves or someone we love. We did it quietly, we did it with little recognition, and maybe we even failed at times along the way.  But we kept going. We picked ourselves up after a relapse or apologized after an outburst.

Every day I have the honor of privately witnessing people working extremely hard to overcome hardship.  I would love to hand out a $1000 scholarship to the woman who left her abusive husband despite her fears and self doubt; a Safeway gift card to the 15 year old  boy who makes dinner for himself and his mother each day and keeps her company to watch movies as she lays in bed disabled from terminal cancer; and a medal of courage to the man who shared with me about being molested by his father, enduring the shame in order to overcome his crippling anxiety.  It is hard work to change one’s fate and break the cycles of neglect, abuse, or poverty. I wish there was a way to publicly award these private efforts.

It’s so hard to take responsibility for our behavior when we need to.  But something I have really learned that still surprises me, is how it can be even harder to give ourselves credit when we deserve it in these quiet moments of personal growth or recovery.  After years of self doubt, criticism, and shame, it can be equally hard for some people to tell themselves they are wonderful, deserving, or even lovable.

For every moment in the spotlight for the awards last night, there were many more moments of fear and failure, including for my own daughter.  It really is in these moments of perseverance that we must see each other and witness the bravery and effort by reflecting it in our appreciation  and praise. While I wish I could give out scholarships and gift cards, I have to remember, even in my own development, that being truly seen in the moments when I thought no one noticed, or when I could not see my own goodness, felt just as affirming as the card on my birthday or the plaque on the wall.  We do have the power to give out awards each and every day if we take the time to witness the quietly deserving and affirm the goodness of well intentioned effort.