I must confess that after visiting my mother this past week in Virginia, I’ve been engaging in a bit of emotional eating. Although my brother is doing a great job taking over her care since she moved in with him after our wildfires, my mother continues to decline from her progressive neurological disease. The bittersweetness of seeing her turned into a complete craving for sweets, which rolled into a full week of self indulgent indulging. I, like so many people I hear from, was trapped in a downward spiral: eating something unhealthy, berating myself for doing it, only leading to more indulgence. Such a common trap, I know, but why do we do this to ourselves? After complaining about myself to my daughter, she pointed me in the direction of a study she had recently read that made a lot of sense to me and offered the potential for some change (thanks Sierra).

Researchers at Duke University investigated an intervention to the “go big or go home” syndrome of indulgence. Once we overeat or have something we think we shouldn’t, we figure the gate is open and let the whole herd through. We react to the stress of overeating by eating even more. Researchers focused on the negative self thoughts that occur in people who tend to further indulge, and found that having a little more self compassion could prevent the downward spiral. In one study, they had participants eat a donut followed by candy. Between the two treats, researchers reassured half the participants that everyone eats unhealthy form time to time, while the other half received no such encouragement. When it came time for the candy, the half of participants who were encouraged to be self-compassionate actually exercised more self control over their subsequent eating habits. With self kindness, the stress of negative self judgment was reduced, allowing them to make healthier choices. Self compassion keeps small indulgences in perspective.

The Duke researchers went on to complete a series of experiments related to self compassion. In each case, those who scored higher on a scale of self compassion reacted in ways that suggested self compassion was a significant buffer to negative emotions that influenced people to underestimate their coping or performance. Their conclusion, “In general, these studies suggest that self compassion attenuates people’s reactions to negative events in ways that are beneficial…Self compassion leads people to acknowledge their role in negative events without feeling overwhelmed with negative emotions.”

I appreciate the conclusion of these researchers in recognizing that self compassion was not a way of sugarcoating (pardon the pun) overeating or letting go of self accountability. I often hear people (and I do it to) fear and confuse self compassion as an excuse or blind permission that would lead to being out of control. Instead, self compassion served a role of keeping people’s reactions in perspective, actually increasing their ability to exercise choice. So the next time I find myself with a fork in the pie tin (just might be tonight), I’m going to give self compassion a little try! Paradoxically, allowing myself a little slice just may keep me from eating the rest of the pie.