Monthly Archives: August 2017

Moments of Awe

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Today, across the United States, many of us will be treated to a grand sense of awe as we watch the unique experience of a Solar Eclipse.  Masses of people will have traveled hundreds of miles and paid high prices for hotels, all to experience the sense of awe and wonder of such a rare experience.  

When the moon is perfectly aligned in front of the sun, we experience totality, a brief period of darkness created by the moon’s shadow.  It’s not that the sun and moon have changed in orbit in any way, it is simply a phenomena of the relationship of the sun and moon in the sky creating a rare alignment available from a particular perspective on Earth (the band of totality).

This rare alignment inspired me to think about this on a more everyday scale.  If we stop and think about it, we have the opportunity for moments of awe almost every day if we just notice them.  For example, just yesterday I saw a beautiful fox run across our property at sunset.  Last week, I helped an older woman who had fallen on the street and was on the ground as I happened to walk by.  I met my husband in Austin Texas at a wedding we were both attending from opposite sides of the country.  All of these experiences happened because of a unique timing, a special alignment of relationship.

So as we look to the sky today in awe of the Solar Eclipse, let’s also look around us each and every day for the beauty of synchronicity.  These rare moments not only can bring joy to our lives, but also have the potential to change the meaning or direction of our lives in profound ways.  And an added bonus,  we don’t even have to wear those strange glasses to see them.

Losing Your Head? Stand Your Ground!

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Ok, so how often do you hear a psychologist encourage you to be LESS in touch with your feelings? The answer is any time we lose our ability to think and make choices. We all have moments when we’re overcome with feelings, whether it’s with anger, guilt, grief, or pain. It’s in these moments when we’re hurting so much we tend to find relief in ways that sabotage us, such as drinking alcohol or eating a tub of ice cream, or ways that are harmful to our relationships, such as yelling or storming off. In this week’s post, I am going to review some techniques known as “grounding” in hopes it may help us stay in control at the times when we are tested.

Grounding is a set of simple strategies we use to detach from emotional pain (cravings, anger, sadness) when it overwhelms us. Grounding works by focusing outward on the external world rather than inward toward the self. You can think of it as a tool to find a healthy detachment and center yourself. The goal of grounding is to help you balance between feeling too much or too little, with a conscious awareness of reality in a way that you can tolerate. When we’re lost in our feelings, we tend to believe that we ARE our feelings. Grounding is a way to find all of the other parts of your experience that get lost when we are overwhelmed.

There are three major ways of grounding, and it is good to try each to see what resonates with you. “Mental” grounding focuses on your mind, “physical” means focusing on your senses, and “soothing” means talking to yourself in a kind way to help you stay connected with yourself. What is great about these types of grounding is that you can do them any time, any place and anywhere, and no one has to know about it. Whenever you’re faced with a trigger, such as a craving, an argument, or when you feel disconnected from yourself, or when you’re emotional pain goes above a “6” on a “1 to 10” scale, grounding is a really effective way to respond. It sometimes helps to take a pre and post test of your feelings on the “1 to 10” scale to see how it’s working. Unlike meditation, mindfulness, or relaxation training, grounding is much more active and is best done when your eyes are open and the lights are on.

Grounding Techniques for you to try:

Mental Grounding:

-Describe your environment in detail, using all of your senses, the colors, textures, objects, sounds, smells and temperature.

-Play “categories” with yourself – try to think of “types of music,” “words that begin with the letter A,” or “comedies.”

-Describe an every day activity in great detail, for example, if you like to cook, describe in great detail the steps to making your favorite dish

-Say the alphabet very very slowly

Physical Grounding:

-Run cool water over your hands

-Grab your chair tightly and squeeze as hard as you can

–Carry a grounding object in your pocket, like a stone or a key and run your fingers over it

-Notice your body, your weight in the chair, your feet on the floor, your back against a wall, etc.

-Eat something and describe the texture and the flavors

Soothing Grounding:

-Say kind statements, as if you were talking to a much younger you or a friend who needs support

-Think of favorites, your favorite time of day, place, animal, people

-Picture people you care about and look at photographs if you can

-Think of things you are looking forward to in the days ahead

Grounding really is very effective, but, trust me, it does take practice. I encourage you to try it a few times and experiment with different methods. Try playing with timing, as sometimes speeding up the pace is helpful. Also, it might help to have someone who can assist you, or to have index cards already made up with cues for grounding techniques. And as you become more practiced, notice where in your mood cycle it is best to intervene, as timing is important, and may help you prevent yourself from becoming out of control in the first place.

What most people find is an interesting paradox with grounding; that by focusing on the external world, they become more aware of their inner peace. Grounding is merely a way to engage all of your mind when it has become hijacked by a mere part of you. I like to think of it as calling in our inner Self Soothing SWAT team when a part of us is in danger.