People often complain about how awful it is to feel guilty.  Ironically, though, I notice that the people who express feelings of guilt the most often are also the people I would say are the most considerate. So when I saw the study I describe in today’s post, it made sense to me, and showed me the upside of guilt.

According to La Trobe University’s (Australia) Matt Treeby and colleagues (2016), the guilt-prone are more aware and more sensitive to the emotional expressions of others. If you’re worried that you’ve hurt someone else, they reason, you’ll be highly attuned to judging people’s emotional states (and whether they’re mad at you) from their faces. People who have the tendency to feel guilty are likely to expend a fair degree of mental energy on concerns about the negative effect their behavior may have had on other people. Guilt, then, has various adaptive qualities in terms of helping you interact with others in a more prosocial fashion. If you’re worried about hurting people, you’ll try to restrain your anger or aggression. Moreover, according to the Australian team, you’ll also stay away from high-risk impulsive or addictive behaviors. Previous research conducted a number of years ago by George Mason University’s June Tangney, showed that people inclined toward guilt were higher in empathy. Not only do the guilt-prone want to gauge accurately the emotions of others, but they also can resonate more closely to the way they’re feeling when they’ve been wronged.

Too much of anything, as we know, is never good, and the same is true about guilt. Excessive guilt is one of the symptoms of depression. And research shows that people who have low self esteem tend to experience more than a healthy dose of guilt, overburdening themselves with the feeling of being bad, not just doing bad (making bad choices). In fact, shame, when someone feels they themselves are bad, was actually found by the Australian team, to make people more self focused rather than sensitive to others. The response of those who experience shame is to reduce the pain of their poor self image by withdrawing or to hiding that they have done anything wrong, rather than tend to the other person and make amends.

Guilt can also lead to trouble if you are prone to feeling guilty for things that are beyond your control or for things you did by accident, without intention. This guilt can not be rectified and therefore lingers, causing helplessness and hurting your esteem. In these cases, it is best to transform your attitude into one of regret rather than guilt. On the other hand, if you can accept responsibility when you have done wrong to someone else and make amends, research shows this actually works to build self esteem.

So, the next time you feel guilty, look at the bright side. It means you are a thoughtful and caring person. Hopefully, you also have the self esteem and maturity to accept responsibility for your behavior and take action. This may require some humility and saying you’re sorry, but you will feel lighter and feel more love in the long run.