I was talking to a colleague who works in the field of addictions.  She works with people who have many ups and downs; one step forward and often  two steps back.  I asked her how she handles watching people she cares about relapse into harmful behaviors that put themselves at risk?  Three words, she said, are the key to how she approaches these relationship dilemnas: “bless and release.”

What an empowering phrase, I thought.  Useful in so many different ways.  It so quickly sums up an entire process and moves you into a positive state and a liberating one.  It creates a barrier to obsessing and feeling responsible for what you can’t control.  You can apply it to someone you love, such as a child, wishing them well with their overdue school assignment, but not taking on the stress yourself.  Or someone you have conflict with, such as a call from an ex-husband or someone who implies something hurtful on Facebook.  Bless and release keeps you within yourself and not pulled into a conflict or chain of events that will drain you.

Bless and release is an intention to feel positively and to choose to wish someone well.  It’s also an acknowledgment and a practice of divesting ourselves from the outcome of a situation.  The intention is to stay in love and regard for someone, but let go of the illusion of control or need for a particular change.  We have to be careful we don’t bless and release too early, however.  We shouldn’t use a bless and release strategy as a way of avoiding our role in a conflict or as a way of detaching from people who we do have responsibilities toward that are part of mutual healthy relating or parenting.  Bless and release is a practice we use when we have been accountable for ourselves and need to let go of being responsible for what is the responsibility of another.

Since learning the phrase, I also am finding you can use it not just with others, but within yourself.  As I hear that internal voice repeat some obsessive worry, I say to myself, “bless and release.”  It actually makes me feel a bit of love toward myself and gives me permission and a push away from what may be creeping in to take over my thoughts and feelings.  I can bless and send warm regard toward the part of myself that is scared or feels inadequate, and then create distance from the painful experience of it.  Now that is a blessing!