We usually think about role models in terms of our children and who they are being influenced by and how.  But as our country moved through another peaceful transfer of power, it made me reflect on the last eight years of President Obama.  I have been surprised at, separate from the politics, how much I will miss the man.  His leadership style and his behavior have quietly affected me and provided a role model for my own behavior and attitudes as both a leader and as a citizen.

Psychologists have studied and documented for many years how much our behavior is influenced by observing others.  We are huge copy-catters, without even realizing it.  But we not only copy individual behaviors, but we tend to take on sets of behaviors.  Public figures most often become role models because they have such visibility in our culture, especially with social media.  We are exposed to images and words about what they are doing and thinking most every day, and this has a big effect on what we wear, what we purchase, what we think is appropriate or acceptable, and what we ourselves will choose to do.  If they are successful, they must be doing things in the “right” way.

So I want to acknowledge President Obama for his influence on me.  He became an example of a calm and assured, yet compassionate leader.  He understood the importance of words, in how they can motivate and how they can hurt.  He was careful in showing his strength when necessary, in speaking strongly, and in showing his vulnerability, shedding a tear or even being fiesty when challenged.  I did not always agree with him, but I never doubted that he had put a lot of thought into his decisions.  He took his responsibilities seriously not only for his fellow citizens,  but for future generations. I always trusted he had considered consequences, had consulted with others, and was making a decision for the best possible outcome for what he believed to be the common good.   And he demonstrated that being smart, articulate, and studious was not mutually exclusive to being cool.  I enjoyed reading about his basketball games and watching the way he seemed to effortlessly saunter down the steps of Airforce1 while smiling and buttoning his jacket. (I have to defer on that one, I will never be able to be that cool).  Who can forget how he snatched that fly out of thin air during an interview or how he could poke fun at himself while breaking into his “I got game” toothy smile.

What I also appreciate about President Obama was how he carried himself with such composure, but also never separated himself from being an everyday man.  His relationship with Michelle and his children was so obviously close, respectful, and he lived a family dynamic that was mutual and collaborative. He integrated and reflected on his many identities as a father, husband, son, black man, and fellow American.  And I will never forget how he spoke about his difficulty when he quit smoking.  His public battle with his smoking habit has been mentioned by a participant in every quit smoking class I have taught in the past eight years.

But most of all, for me personally, it is his respect and inspiration around public service that I have been most influenced by.  His belief in leadership as service directly impacted my own perspective in how I approach my work and my life.  I am more thoughtful, more ego-less and more willing to risk my own interests for the pursuit and responsibility of the common good as both a leader and as a person.  I am grateful for his example as a human being and for providing so many young people, as well as us older people, with a broader range of what is possible for them and for us all.

It is our nature as humans to be social and to absorb the attitudes and behaviors of others.  We worry about this for our kids, seeking out opportunities for positive influences and guarding  them from negative ones.  But perhaps in our role as their role models, we need to acknowledge our own influences and be mindful of how we choose them.  We show them through our own behavior who to pay attention to and who to admire.  I am so very thankful to President Obama for being a President I am proud to watch and learn from.