I have to be honest, like a lot of people, it’s been a very hard couple of weeks for me.  As I woke up the morning after the election, I couldn’t get a memory out of my head.  It was several years ago and I was standing in the first few rooms of Yad Vashem, the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Israel.  The walls were filled with articles and images of the early Nazi propaganda, blaming and scapegoating for the economic and social problems of Germany.  I kept thinking of the similarities with the slogans and chants and “ideas” of the current President elect, heart sick that our country would affirm him, let alone his ideas as “solutions” to our country’s problems.  At the same time this past week at the Health Center where I work, my patients were stressed and scared, worrying about a range of consequences from a family member being taken away to losing their health care in the middle of treatment, from the loss of their safety to the loss of their dignity.  The overall reality that our beloved country, which prides itself on freedom and human rights, could affirm such an attitude has made many of us collectively depressed.  So I have been thinking, feeling, and reading, and am writing this week’s post about what I can do to feel better.

I understand the fear and and anger that underlies the need to bully and scapegoat on an intimate level.  I worked as the Director of a domestic violence treatment program and I have sat with and talked for hours with people who abused their children or their partners.  I was able to find compassion for them when I saw the fear underneath the anger and the hurt and feelings of powerlessness that were so intolerable it led to aggressive behavior.  Most often, at some time and place, they were helpless victims, too, and never wanted to feel that powerless again.  Once they could understand this, blaming faded away, self awareness and compassion emerged and healing could actually begin.

In the short term it feels so much better to yell “build a wall”, shout “lock her up” and think that our lives would improve if we could claim our status as better and more powerful than someone else.  But in the long term it erodes our ability to love, to have connection, and to trust one another.  We project and reject our own vulnerability when we hate, blame, and scapegoat.  It never actually changes the reality of our situation, it only provides a false sense of power.  And it the long run, it breeds more hate and and fear as we worry that someone else may do the same to us.

Social scientists who have been exploring the effects of this election cycle have noted a significant erosion in social trust, which is our faith in humanity and the well being not just of yourself, but of everyone around you.  Moral distress does not respond to our usual stress reduction techniques (as many of us can attest) but requires a particular set of actions based in moral courage, moral elevation, and compassion.  One thing we need to watch out for is our feeling that because it is such a big problem, nothing we do will matter (the fancy term for this is “psuedoinsufficiency”).  You don’t have to do it all to matter. While our social problems are bigger than you, they also need you.  Moral courage involves believing in collective participation, and this means each of us doing something – write a letter, make a donation, sign a petition, any action helps.

Next, look for the good, also known as moral elevation.  When we witness acts of virtue we restore balance, promoting feelings of awe and gratitude.  When we look for the good, we actually can find it, even in the most uncommon of places.  Research shows this can actually reduce anxiety, loneliness, and increase social trust.  And if you feel up to it, simply by doing a small act of kindness, such as letting someone go ahead of you in line or asking if someone is all right if you see them stumble, you not only make yourself feel good, but it has a significant impact on other people’s sense of social trust.  Research shows that small gestures can have a very long and large impact in helping us feel safer and more connected to one another.

To those who did not vote for our President Elect, please don’t fall into helplessness.  Do things to counter the actions and expressions with which you disagree.  For those of you I have heard say, “I voted for Trump even though I don’t agree with what he says”, I implore you to hold to that.  Don’t be passive either. Hold him accountable for what you agree with and what you disagree with.  You need to act, too.  Let him know that you voted against Hillary (as many say) and not for racism and sexism and bigotry.  Our country needs us at this time of disconnection and fear. When we belittle and degrade, we hurt our collective good and erode the beauty and transcendence of our common humanity.  When we distrust, our physical and mental health suffer, and when we love, we are happier and healthier, not only as individuals, but as neighbors and citizens in these United States.