So many of the people I work with, as well as my friends, tell me they’ve just plain forgotten how to have fun.  As our lives slowly fill up with increasingly heavy issues and responsibilities, we seem to lose the sense of what fun is and how to have it.  We find ourselves driving our kids to all of their fun activities, but we,ourselves, become a facilitator and not a participant.  Many people turn to alcohol as a way to lighten the mood, but this brings other complications and is just a way to mask our situation.  So in this week’s post I did a little digging around in the literature to see what I could find out about having fun again.

First, here are some ideas about what gets in the way of having fun so we can think about the barriers we face.  For many, we think we don’t have the time or the money to have fun.  We associate fun with doing something decadent or a big activity that takes time, savings, and planning.  But what we’ve forgotten is that fun can come in small doses.  Sometimes it’s just being in the moment with people we really enjoy.  Or we can take 15 minutes to half an hour of doing something we really love.  Another barrier is the feeling that to have fun, conditions need to be just right.  If we’re dealing with a parent’s illness or serious circumstance at work it’s easy to get pulled into a constant state of heaviness.  We confuse solemnity for seriousness.  And finally, we forget that being an adult, even an adult in charge, doesn’t mean we can’t go out on a limb and make a fool of ourselves every once in a while.  We are all quite capable of being silly at any age.

Children have fun because they are open to it.  I remember walking with my children amazed at how they found a good time everywhere around them.  The curb was a balance beam, the bug on the sidewalk was an amazing discovery, and the firetruck was a grand parade.  We are born with a complete understanding of how to have fun, but somehow, we unlearn it.  Children have fun because they feel the permission to be spontaneous. Fun is more of a perspective than an activity.  So, as an adult, we must retrain ourselves to know what we once knew.

One helpful practice that children can do so easily is to take time to be fully where you are.  Adults tend to be thinking about things we need to do or to be looking at our phones to answer e-mails.  Try at least once a day to stop, breath, and take in all the sights, smells, and sounds around you.  By doing so, you’re much more likely to notice something right in front of you that’s downright funny.  Another thing that kids do is try new activities.  They are constantly learning and being given the opportunities to be a beginner.  So we, too, should try something new just for the experience of it.  Take up a new hobby and be awful at it!  Cook a dish not for a dinner party, where you will be afraid if it comes out badly, but just to enjoy doing, even if the souffle drops or the cake slides off its layer.  My teen is great at DIY projects, mostly because she doesn’t care if it doesn’t turn out well.  It was just fun to try.  And sometimes the poor results are funnier than the good ones!

Being creative is a way to get in touch with our inner fun loving child. Build, paint, draw, make a sandcastle at the beach. Get dirty!  Nothing frees us up more than having sticky fingers or mud on your pant leg.  And find the beat, wherever you are.  Play Pandora while cooking, drum to the beat while driving, and find yourself an upbeat theme song.  Break the rules.  Every once in a while, go rogue.  Play a prank, get dinner out on a weeknight, or leave the Christmas lights up all year round, if you enjoy it.  As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, being a bit rebellious reminds us that we can break free when we need to.

If all of these still feel like too much, then just smile.  Children smile 400 times a day, the average adult smiles just 15.  (Yes, someone counted this).  Smiling releases hormones and brain chemicals that make us feel better.  People respond to us and reach out to us when we smile.  And if you can’t find even that bit of good humor, find awe.  Take a moment to see the beautiful color of the leaves in the Fall or follow ants to their ant trail.  Noticing the birds and the cloud formations can bring a sense of peace and a childlike sense of wonder.  Because on those days when we can’t muster the energy to have a little fun, perhaps we can still find a little joy.