It’s hard to do it alone, whatever it is. Having other people to lean on and learn from along your journey can make a big difference.  Almost all research that highlights what helps people change, assesses levels of happiness, or evaluates what makes people resilient, points to the importance of social support.  But what if you don’t have people in your life to rely on?  And what if the people who you do have are not the best fit for the issue you need support for?  Joining a group is a great way to give yourself “peeps” whenever and wherever you need them.

People in AA know the importance of having a group of like-minded people easily available.  Even while traveling, an AA member can find a meeting most anywhere to help stay on track with their sobriety. Groups offer a focus on a topic with people who understand and can relate to what it is you are going through.  Often times in these types of focused issue groups you feel permission to say what you really feel because everyone else can relate.  There is a more empathy and less judgment among fellow travelers.  For example, in a grief group I once led, we laughed hysterically at the experience of a young widow and her well intentioned but tongue tied priest who had tried to offer her comfort.  “It feels so good to laugh,” she said, as she felt that nowhere else would people understand her need for giggly laughter at a time of such intense pain.

Besides camaraderie, groups offer another benefit.  They provide structure simply by having a scheduled time and place that guarantees they will happen.  Groups make sure you give thought and energy to your desired outcome.  For example, going to a weight loss group creates space for you to focus your attention on your diet and eating habits.  It also provides some type of accountability to track your progress and the opportunity to problem solve with other people how to handle your challenges. Groups can help busy lives stay in balance.  I know for me it’s hard to schedule social time, but having my book club or my women’s investment club on the calendar makes sure I will do something I want to do (read a book, research a stock) with people I enjoy.  While you may not have much in common with people when you initially join a group, over time, the familiarity from continuous meetings over the years truly builds a unique connection. (My investment club is going to Paris next year to celebrate our 20^th year of meeting!  Oooh la la!).

Not every group is the right group.  It may take time to try out a few different options before you find one that is best for you.  I recommend going to a few different types of meetings or times of meetings to see what feels like the best fit.  Each group tends to have a unique culture.  For example a morning meeting might be made up very different people than an evening meeting, or one group might do things in a particular way that another group does very differently.  When you think you’ve found a good fit, put some commitment into it, such as hosting a meeting, doing some research, or taking on a task.  Your effort will help make you feel more connected to your group, building the bonds that make a group cohesive and fun.

Walls of differences break down in groups, when we find our common humanity.  I have watched a lady in a pink dress and pearls form a friendship with a burly biker covered in tattoos when they shared about their difficulties with quitting smoking.  If they had seen each other on the street, they probably would have avoided one another.  The power of connection in groups can be down right magical.  Just like in the old TV show Cheers, it’s so nice to have a place “where everybody knows your name,” but you don’t have to live with them!