It is soooo hot!  At least that’s what a lot of people are saying via text, e-mail, or in the news.  And we all know how the heat can zap our energy and deplete our reserves for anything beyond doing what is absolutely necessary.  So this week’s blog is inspired by a young man I know who impressed me with an idea for motivation rekindling on days it is dwindling.

Kevin is a runner.  Actually, he tells me he is not a runner, but is training for a race he entered with the goal of becoming a runner.  Kevin was out of shape and has a job that is rather sedentary.  His doctor encouraged him to start exercising to lose some weight and to lower his cholesterol, as his family has a history of diabetes and heart disease.  So Kevin entered a race that is far enough in the future that he has time to work up to running the distance, and in the process, help him become fitter and develop the habit of exercise.  As the summer has progressed, Kevin has been challenged with not only hot weather, but all kinds of roadblocks of time and energy to his fitness goals.  But what has helped Kevin put his sneakers on at the end of a long day (when truthfully, he told me, he would rather put his pajamas on) is his Inspiration Board.

“Inspiration what,” I had to ask?  “Inspiration Board,” he repeated.  Kevin took a poster size piece of foam board and, like he used to do in school, made a collage.  He pasted the advertisement sheet for the race, the receipt for the money he spent on his new pair of sneakers, pictures of athletes he admired, and quotes he found inspirational all on the Board.  Then he placed the Inspiration Board right next to his refrigerator with the daily plan for his exercise routine pinned directly on top.  He found that in the past, when he got home, his old habit was to go straight to the fridge, eat more than he intended, and then feel lazy.  Since creating the Inspiration Board, when he got home and went to get a snack, he was inundated with his goal.  He did not have the option of conveniently “forgetting” what his plan for the day was, either.   It didn’t work every time, he admits, but most days, having the reminder and actively engaging with it, by adding new quotes or photographs, kept his motivation fresh.  He told me that when he felt lazy or tended to drift away from his goal, seeing the Board put him back in touch with the strong motivation and determination he felt when he made the Board and originally created his goal.

Even if you’re not as craft oriented as Kevin, you can still develop some type of visual representation of your goals and inspiration.  I know people who are quitting smoking find it useful to have pictures of their loved ones around places they might be tempted to smoke.  Some people make a list of the top three reasons they want to change and then post it in relevant places.  You can go high tech, using your phone or computer to send you daily reminders, or, as my daughter often does with great success, use Pinterest.  She creates a virtual board and pins pictures related to themes of plans she is creating.

Whatever the medium that you choose to use, the important part that seems to be helpful is repeatedly putting your intention right in front of your face.  While, like the heat wave, motivation seems to rise and fall, a visual reminder can help redirect your memory and your emotion in your intended direction.  Kevin, who is in the advertising industry, thinks of it as marketing.  We all know the power of commercials and images to sell us on food or a new car.  So why not sell ourselves on our own intentions?  Create your own custom made change inspiration advertisement.  And if you really get in the spirit, why not make a jingle to go along with it!

In a society that seems to value confidence (dare I say overconfidence), humility can get a bad reputation.  Yet consistently studies find that people who possess the psychological trait of humility are indeed better leaders, higher performers and, in general, are happier.  Humility is a cornerstone to being open to change.  Today’s blog will pay homage to humility, and dispel some misunderstandings about it as a weakness.

Despite the common misperception, humility is not the opposite of self-confidence.  In fact, people rated high in humility are actually also rated as being more secure.  It is, it seems, because they are self-confidant that humble people are able to be open to other people’s perspectives and attend to other people’s point of view.  In her study on humility, Pelin Keselir, PhD, writes that “humility involves a willingness to accept the self’s limits and its place in the grand scheme of things, accompanied by low levels of self-preoccupation.”  She refers to humility simply as a “quiet ego.”

Joseph Chancellor, PhD and Sonya Lyubomirsky, PhD, found five hallmarks of humility in their research:  being secure in one’s identity, being able to see oneself honestly without distortion, being open to new information, being “other focused” rather than self-focused, and having egalitarian beliefs.  In general, they found the quality of humility was not self-negation, but was the opposite of narcissism.

Despite the seemingly peaceful quality of humility, it is a powerhouse in terms of success and good outcomes.  Humble people form better relationships with others both in the work place and in personal relationships.  They are more tolerant of differences and are more willing to help others, being able to repair damage that occurs in relationships.  Physicians rated as high in the characteristic of humility not only had better communication with their patients, but they had better patient outcomes.  Humility is linked to better self-control, a huge predictor of life success, and lower levels of anxiety.  In terms of performance, those rated high in humility tended to have higher grades and academic performance and humility predicted higher job performance.  In terms of leadership, ironically, humble leaders are more effective.  In a study published in the Academy of Management Journal, Bradley Owens describes findings that leaders who admitted mistakes, gave others credit, and modeled teach-ability demonstrated behaviors that were powerful predictors of their organization’s growth.

I once heard a definition of humility that has stayed with me as a useful guide that I think sums up its benefit:  “Humility is knowing the truth about the self.”  In this way, humility is both knowing where we are strong and capable, but also knowing where we are in need of help or improvement.  Humility involves psychological flexibility and the strength in acknowledging vulnerability for the goal of self improvement.  What it guards against is false pride or bravado, empty efforts at covering over our weaknesses with the goal of protecting our ego and fooling others into thinking we are more than we are.  When we are humble, we have both the confidence to admit that we need to change and the awareness of the strengths we possess to help us achieve it.   So with this perspective on humility in mind, I hope the next time you have to eat some “humble pie,” it may taste a bit sweeter.

A few years back I attended a retreat that had a profound influence on me.  The leader posed a topic for us to reflect on that truly changed my life.  “Ask yourself,” he encouraged us, “for the wisdom to know when you’re ready to let go of your suffering.”

At first I was shocked.  “What did he mean, when I’m ready to let go of my suffering?  Now, of course.  I’m ready now.  Who chooses to suffer?”  But after I did as requested and sat with the question for a while, some profound insights came to mind about my happiness.  There are things in life that we suffer from that we have no control over, but there are also many things we suffer from that we indeed do have control over.  Our task is to do the work to know when we are ready to let go of the suffering we can.

Self inflicted pain tends to take the form of guilt, shame, and regret.  We can torture ourselves with these types of emotions that drain us of joy and eat away at our souls.  One example for me, personally, was survivor guilt.  Although my sister’s death had been nearly two decades earlier, I still carried a profound sense of guilt that she was gone and I was living on;  getting married, having children, buying a house, all things she never had the chance to do.  This guilt felt like a burden that weighed me down with a silent background of sadness and an empty feeling, especially when good things happened.  When I thought about it at the retreat, I recognized it, the survivor guilt, indeed was my own suffering.  It didn’t help me remember my sister, honor her life, or feel closer to her in any way.  In fact it only made it hard for me to think about her and our relationship.  Somehow, though, my survivor guilt made me feel connected to her, a continuation of a sibling comparison, perhaps, that was a natural between sisters.  It was at that point that I indeed had an “aha” experience of knowing when I would be ready to let go of that suffering.  It was when I could assure myself that I could remember my sister just as well without the feeling of guilt, instead allowing myself to have gratitude that I could live on and keep her memory alive.

The retreat reflection regarding “knowing when we are ready to let go of our suffering” is a powerful one.  I find it helpful because it implies a process that needs to be respected.  We suffer for real reasons.  Our pain is real pain, and has causes and effects.  But at the same time, it is liberating to recognize when we indeed, are the true source of our suffering and then are   in complete control of it.  We can ask ourselves, what purpose is my pain serving?  Who will I be if I let go if it?  What will it take for me to be ready?

I hope in sharing my experience, you, too, can have some new perspective on some old familiar pain.  What do you think you might be ready to let go of?

On July 4^th the Continental Congress officially adopted the Declaration of Independence.  It was a historic document largely written by Thomas Jefferson, justifying the fight for independence from Great Britain by listing grievances against King George III, and by asserting citizen’s natural and legal rights.   The day was celebrated with mock funerals for the British King.  A year later, still engaged in the fight for independence, George Washington ordered double rations of rum for his troops to mark the occasion.  Today’s modern celebrations of July 4^th are less political, but still invoke patriotism and the echoes of our nation’s bold move to create a new identity.

The famous line from the Declaration of Independence has become a well known statement on human rights.  It has been used as a cornerstone for many leaders to invoke justice and a better way of life, including so powerfully by Abraham Lincoln as a centerpiece to his policies:  We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

Ok, so what does this have to do with a blog about change, you might be thinking?  Inspiration.  This Fourth of July, as you celebrate all the benefits of the work of our ancestors, there might be something you need to declare independence from.  Is there something in your life that has a hold over you?  A person or habit that you feel constrained or controlled by?  Declare your independence.  Define your justifications, and confirm your rights that underlie the need and authority for change.  Today, with history as your guide, start anew:  a new way of relating to someone, a new habit, a break with an old way of being.

And then go ahead, write your own Declaration of Independence.  My daughter’s High School English teacher (thanks Ms. Joseph) had them do this as a writing exercise.  It can be very powerful (also humorous, as when students declared their independence from a sibling).   Pick something that constrains your life in some way and that you would like to be free of.  Write about how it impacts your life now, the ways in which it limits and affects you.  Then write about how your life would be different without it.  How would you change and how would the world around you change?   What will it take to be free from it?  What will you do instead?   Then, officially declare your freedom.

While forming our country required both actions and sacrifice beyond words to achieve independence, the Declaration was a foundation and a rallying cry for change.  Let your words become a foundation for you, this July 4^th, in beginning a new year of independence from something that creates a significant change for you.  Be brave, be committed, and I hope you can then celebrate your success for years to come.

Note:  Next week I will follow up on this idea of achieving freedom with a bit more serious post about letting go.