At the end of each school year I am struck by how much each of mydaughters has changed.  Their graduations prompt me to recognize their growth, celebrate the learning they’ve mastered, and plan forthe challenges ahead.  Without these yearly transitions, in contrast, I tend to overlook my own changes.  While I appreciate the stability of living in the same house for many years, being in the same career, and luckily, in many of the same relationships, it can be deceptive to think that I’m the same person I used to be. Without big fanfare, slow but steady changes are surely taking place.  As adults every now and then it’s good to take inventory of our own personal graduations, assuring that how we’re living our lives has kept up with who we really are.

First and most obvious are the physical changes we experience.  How many clothes do I keep in my closet that I no longer wear?  Styles have changed, my body has changed, and yes, even what is appropriate for me to wear has changed.  While at first it can seem humbling, accepting these changes can actually be liberating.  I must confess, I love the make-over shows when people are confronted with their out of date make-up, hair, or fashion habits.  But embracing a new way of being is only fun if you feel ready to let go.  It can be scary if you’re a person who prefers to hold onto the comfort of how things used to be.  I know quite a few runners (including myself) with painful knee and foot problems that finally had to change to another sport.  While at first it was a blow to their (my) competitive ego, they actually enjoy feeling good again.

The same is true for relationships.  Some relationships change along with us, but not all do.  Like the styles we might have outgrown, relationships that worked in the past may not be what we need anymore.  You may no longer have much in common with someone, or your values and interests might have diverged.  It’s good to be honest with yourself about with whom and how you like to spend your time.  Just because you have always done the same activities with the same people, doesn’t mean there isn’t room for someone or something new.  Nor does it mean that you don’t appreciate these relationships and recognize their importance in your life.

Erik Erikson was the first psychologist to study natural developmental changes that occur in adulthood.  Since then, research has supported his idea that we continue to grow and change psychologically throughout our lifetime.  It’s often only at milestone birthdays that we seem to notice, but it didn’t just happen overnight.  Our ongoing experiences and our psychological development continue to shape our personality.  We may have become more extraverted than we used to be, more content with ourselves, or more restless with the desire for more risk.  These individual differences are what make us interesting and if attended to, can keep our lives stimulating and meaningful.

How have you changed?  I’ll bet if you sit down to think about it, despite the sense of your overall continuity, a lot about you has changed.  Make a list and consider how different you may be.  What does this mean about the goals you might set, what challenges you face, and what new desires you have?  Then, if you’re really brave, share these observations with people close to you.  It might be fun to celebrate a graduation of your own defining, recognizing all you have mastered and achieved.  Congratulations life class of 2016, you have lived, loved and learned another year!