I am borrowing Head Coach Steve Curr’s phrase “Strength In Numbers” to illustrate this week’s blog topic. It seems to be working pretty well for the Warriors, as MVP Steph Curry is out with a knee injury and they are still winning.  The phrase reflects the philosophy that to accomplish our goals we need to work as a team.  No matter what the change is you are working toward, no matter how solitary a process it may seem, we need other to people to help us along the way.  Whether you’re trying to eat healthier, quit smoking, leave a relationship, switch careers, or cope with an illness, creating a team to support you is a key factor in long term success.  An off night or drop in motivation is a much easier challenge to overcome when you  have a bench of people trained and ready to have your back.

When I ask people about their support systems for making a change, I often hear, “I don’t want to tell anyone because they’ve heard it all before.”  A sense of shame for past failures gets in the way.  While I totally understand the feeling, what you’re losing by not telling anyone is a key source of support that you will absolutely need.  Change is not a linear process.  We all change, and then change back.  Move forward, and then regress.  Create your own team in the way you will need it.  You don’t have to tell everyone, but choose a few people that will play key roles in your change process.

Another concern around support systems is when people, even with the best intentions, do things that make it more difficult than easier to change.  So, as best you can anticipate, and it may change over time, give people help in helping you.  What will actually feel supportive?  What actions can they take or questions can they ask you, and under what circumstances?  As you prepare for your change, talk to your selected team members, assign them their role and be specific about what they can do that will be most helpful.  They want to help you, so let them know what that looks like for you.  For example, a woman I was working with was trying to bring her sugar levels under control.  Every day, thinking he was being supportive, her co-worker grilled her about her diet and numbers.  Instead of being the support she needed, the co-worker was making her want to eat a dozen donuts, right in front of him!  It helped when she was able to thank him for his caring, as he really did care about her, but let him know that instead of a quiz each day, she would love for him to go for a walk with her during their lunch…and not talk about food!

We do not live in isolation.  It is a myth to think we can have “willpower” enough to withstand every temptation without a system in place to make our lives easier. We only have so much inner strength, which is why we can expand our strength in numbers.  Do some scouting, and draft your team members.  Train them, practice with them, and let them know how they matter.  Let them offer advice and resources; let them do some of your work!  When we put our egos aside we are able to let others help us, and we become a cohesive unit, more flexible, deeper in reserves, and happier in community.  And when it’s time to celebrate your success, you’ve already got your party started!