Last year for Mother’s Day I wrote a tribute to my Mother, Dossie.  She has taught me profound lessons as she faces the devastating losses from her neurological disease (Progressive Supranuclear Palsy).  This year, after 12 more months of the disease’s progression, I realize how much I have learned through my own challenges of managing her care.  It has exposed me to the awesome power of kindness, even in the smallest of gesture, in how it can both transform a situation and also relieve some of the pain.

These past few months, especially, I have had to undertake daily phone calls, e-mails, and meetings to coordinate my mother’s care.   I must admit feeling extremely vulnerable in my quest for help, advice, and reliance on people showing up as planned, including speech therapists and physical therapists, doctor’s, caregivers, care managers, medical supply companies, and the daily contact with many, many front office people for these various businesses.  Some of these encounters have been downright rude from impatience or indifference, causing me unnecessary frustration and despair. (I must admit, at times, it has not brought out the best in me.)  But at other times I have experienced sincere kindness and a genuine warm reception.  And what I am learning, as I had never truly understood before, is how this kindness really matters.  These encounters, both the good and the bad, are changing me, mostly to be a better person, in ways I hope I will retain. I am so grateful for all the kindness that has come my way in so many forms this year.

First, I would like to sincerely thank the people who spoke to me in a friendly manner.  A pleasant tone is soothing and reduces the fear and stress in asking for help.  Along with this, I would love to offer thanks to all the people who took just a few extra minutes to offer information.  Often it made a world of difference, giving me an insight, new perspective, or new resource.  Along these lines, I would love to acknowledge the people who showed up, whether it was reliably arriving for a shift, returning a phone call or e-mail, or following through on their duty.  Wow, it matters. And boy does it make my life easier.

And then there are the above and beyond acts of kindness that make you feel loved.  Thank you for the unexpected card from across the country that says you are thinking of me.  Thank you for attending a meeting with me, to be my extra pairs of ears and voices in order to ask for accountability.  Thank you for visiting my mother and planting bulbs outside her window, not knowing if she would live to see them bloom. Thank you for meeting me for coffee and offering a non-judgmental ear and a supportive piece of advice, even when it’s to tell me I need to change my approach or attitude.  And especially to my daughters, thank you all for your sacrifice in not having the full me available, and having the courage, without making me feel guilty, to tell me when you really need me to be there.  And most certainly, thank you all for asking.  I know how hard it is to hear about; how repetitive, depressing, and tedious, but you ask about it each time, anyhow.  For all of the many people who have been on my team this past year, you have taught me so much about love and so much about the power of kindness.

With all I have been given in this regard, I notice I am living differently.  Instead of a lowered gaze to catch up on e-mails while on line at the grocery store, I look up.  Somehow, without planning it, I now notice the person who looks lost or whose bag handle just broke and could use a hand picking up what has spilled.  Even if it’s just offering a thank you for a job well done, a smile to someone passing by, or directions to a traveler, I am more giving.   And for all the people who have been rude, unhelpful, and impatient, blaming others and even blaming me, I am going to try to be more kind.  I will never know what kind of day you have had, what kind of pain you are in, or what burden you are carrying.

As a mere human, I certainly can’t leap tall buildings in a single bound, I can’t look through walls to see if someone is in need, nor can I spin a web to catch a thief.  But I will always have the choice and the power to be kind.

*****A special note to THANK YOU, readers.  I have passed the year mark on writing this blog.  It has been an honor to know you are out there, willing to give me your time and attention, and benefit of the doubt each week.  My gift to you is a poem called KINDNESS by Naomi Shibab Nye, a true and gifted writer. Please do yourselves a favor and check it out.  http://www.elise.com/q/naomi.htm or just google the names