A 2014 study from the University of Scranton found that only 8% of people achieve their New Year’s Resolution goals.  (Does this number surprise you or does this make you feel better?)  There are a broad range of reasons why people fail to reach their goals, but one factor often overlooked, I find, is the nature of the goal in the first place.

Goals must have relevance and meaning in order to sustain our attention and to be worthy of the necessary sacrifice to make them happen.  People often choose goals that seem like obvious desires, such as losing weight or quitting smoking, because they are habits that they have been trying to address for a long time.  But if these habits really mattered, why have they not achieved these goals already?  What I find in working with people who are frustrated in failing to reach their well intentioned goals of better health and personal growth, is that they don’t feel a real sense of connection to the goal.  The goal is more of a “should do” than an “I want to do”.  Making long term change is hard, and if it is driven by a nagging feeling of should, rather than a deep personal connection to a desire, it will most likely end in rebellious backlashes of “cheating” and eventually giving up.

Finding meaning in your goal is a really important process as you begin your journey of change.   In many of the Health Education classes I teach, I work with people in exploring all the possible motivations for a change, and help them identify the ones that most resonate with them.  For example, in quitting smoking, a man was told by his doctor for years he needed to quit and every year he attended quit smoking classes and started the year with the nicotine patch.  It wasn’t until he made the connection to his grandchild, who he felt had become old enough to understand what he was doing, did he want to quit.  The “I should” went to an “I want” to, and although it was still hard to quit, he embraced the process and achieved it.

Finding  meaning in and a deep connection to your goal is an ongoing process of motivation.  People who set goals and then journal about them frequently find it a good way of deepening their connection to their goal.  It serves to help them integrate the goal and its value into their daily lives.  another way is to visualize yourself living as if the new goal is achieved and seeing how your life would be different.   Make a list of all the “whys” you can think of to attain your goal and then rate them from 1-10 in how much each reason matters to you.  Circle the highest ones and then spend some time each day reviewing these factors.

If you have no “10s” on your list, you may need to reconsider.  Sometimes we choose goals that others want us to change or that we feel we should want to change.  Change is hard, but it certainly is much harder if you don’t really want it.  So, do yourself a favor, and choose your goals wisely.  Put your time and effort into goals that really matter to you.  If your heart is not in it, perhaps you need to readjust your goal to match your desire rather than trying to match your desire to your goal.

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