The Halloween candy is just about gone, Starbucks is now using their red cups, and there are Black Friday sales ads in the paper.  It’s official.  The holiday season is here.  If this thought brings more anxiety than excitement or more dread than joy, you may want to consider a change in how you approach the season.  While, personally, there are a lot of traditions I enjoy, I also know how keeping up some traditions can be burdensome.  So in today’s blog post, I am officially giving you permission to review your holiday traditions and see if you can change things up to relieve the pit in your stomach when you think about decking your halls.

Traditions imply continuity.  They are a way of remembering the past and honoring people we love, like Great Aunt Sue’s stuffing or all gathering at Grandma’s house.  The anticipation of these events and the seasonal predictable nature of them make them both special and comfortable.  But not always for everyone.  So many women I know would love to have a break from hosting Christmas, but they tell me, “My kids would be so upset.”  And these are actually adult children!  Sure, they love mom taking care of it all, but what about Mom?  And what about the son who has abstained from alcohol or lowered his blood sugar, being told, “Oh, you can have just one glass,” or “Just a small piece of my pie, I made it for you!  You always have my pie.”

Holiday season is already full of stress: the traffic, noise, and travel.  Then there is the eating and pressure to spend money for the people you love.  And for women in particular, there are the hosting obligations with the planning, shopping, cooking, and endless cleaning.  It’s easy to get lost in the obligations and end up feeling resentful rather than blessed.  Traditions have a way of multiplying up over the years, adding layers that might benefit from some pruning.

If the holidays have become overwhelming to you, try choosing just a few activities that reap the biggest benefit for the values most important to you at that time of year.  What are the traditions you enjoy, and what are the traditions you would secretly love to do without?  Changing traditions is going to involve being assertive.  You are going against what is expected and to others it may feel like a rejection.  But see if you can be both honest and creative with the people you love.  After all, the point is celebration.  What is it about the tradition that people enjoy?  Are there ways to preserve the intention while lessening the burden?  Can we draw names from a hat instead of buying gifts for everyone?  Can we alter the menu to include some healthier dish choices?  Or can we try rotating the hosting duties or party locations?  Rather than letting your holiday season come and go like a runaway train, slow it down by focusing your energy on what is most meaningful and healthy.

And don’t be afraid to try something completely new if you need to.  After a painful loss, some people prefer to go away for the holiday, avoiding the weather and constant reminders of what no longer is.  You can always return to your old traditions when you’re ready.  Or you may be surprised; sometimes the best holidays involve an unusual twist.  I remember one of my favorite years involved cooking exclusively on a grill and sitting on plastic chairs by candlelight because the electricity at our new home wasn’t hooked up yet and we had just moved in.  Laughter filled the empty space and somehow, nobody starved!