Half hearted efforts can undermine our goals. They fool us into thinking that we’ve tried and failed, when really we haven’t given ourselves a true chance for success. For example, when someone really wants to quit smoking, I often hear them promise themselves that “next week I’m going to try not to have any.” Then they look sad as they remember all the times they have “tried not to have any” before. Big life changes require a full commitment that cuts through our ambivalence and offers us maximum support. So I advise them that its time to commit to a Quit Date, when they will move from trying to quit, to actually quitting.

Choosing a date to start a change is an important psychological step. It marks the point when you transition from your old way of doing things to your new way. It helps guide you through the process of change as you select the appropriate date, prepare for it, actually do it, and then support yourself and address the challenges that arise once you make the change. In picking a Change Date, it’s important to strike the right balance of being far enough away that you’ll have time to prepare and feel mostly ready, but not so far away that you’re avoiding action. Some people like to pick a date that has emotional significance. A woman I worked with slected her upcoming birthday as the day to give notice at her job, telling herself that taking the leap to a new career was the best gift she could give herself.

On the actual Change Date it’s a good idea to do something special to mark the occasion. You can engage in some type of a ritual, such as floating some flowers in a body of water or writing a good bye letter to your habit and burning it in a fire pit. If you have a particular religious or spiritual tradition, you can use this to create a ceremony that’s personally meaningful to you. By participating in a ritual, you symbolize your transition and initiate the emotional process of letting go of something old in order to fully commit to something new.

In preparing for your Change Date, it’s important to create a careful plan for yourself. Just as marriage is not merely a wedding, your Change Date marks the transition to a new life that will have the greatest chance of success if you’ve really thought through what it is you want and how you can best support yourself in achieving it. It’s important to enter your commitment in a way that is positive (no shot gun weddings, please) and honors your new partnership with yourself. So if weeks go by when you walk by the scale telling yourself you’re going to try to eat healthier, set the date to actually step on, mark your starting point, and begin tracking your progress with a new eating plan. You might just find joy in a new habit you can count on, to have and to hold from that day forward.