With the ruling of the Supreme Court on marriage equality this week and the discussions about racism following the horrific shootings in South Carolina, I find myself contemplating change on an entirely different level.  While we all go through our own personal evolutions, society changes, too.  As we saw in the exuberant tears of same sex couples whose marriages are now fully recognized, for them this change was long overdue.  For others, this change comes too fast, or is not a welcomed decision at all.  And for some the Confederate flag is a hateful symbol of racism and for other’s it represents a fundamental right of free speech. But as I watch the contrasting responses and the reactions of people on all sides of these issues, it has me thinking about the process of societal change and how we can move through it as a nation of individuals in a way that will unite us rather than further divide us.

In listening to the news and reading the paper this week, I notice that when it comes to concepts of freedom, equality, and tolerance, people can define the words in a similar manner, but end up on completely opposite sides.  It makes me wonder how this can happen.  How can one person’s true freedom be experienced as being at the expense of another person’s liberty?   How can someone demand tolerance in the name of something so offensively intolerant to others? Especially with the racist hateful murders in Charleston so fresh in our minds, I must admit, I was uneasy watching a black man on the news speaking out against giving all people the opportunity to choose who they can marry.   It was not so long ago that he was denied this very right and as a nation we are still embattled in an unending fight for racial justice.  Yet, he expressed his opinions with the passion of a person deeply entrenched in a moral crisis.  Who am I to think I can know his experience or judge his religious beliefs?  There seems no way to compromise on what feels to be our fundamental truths.

But absolutism of any kind makes me think about fear.  Whenever there is resistance to change, there is usually both a sense of loss for how things have been and a fear for how things will be.  I think younger people lead the way for change because they have less investment with the way things have been.  I also think that as a young person, changes are happening so fast within you, it’s more natural for it to happen around you.  As we age, we have more experience to think we know what the consequences of a particular change will be.  And although we do have more years of experience, sometimes this merely binds us more tightly to believing things must be as they are. Change represents a threat to a way of life that is known.  For younger people, I have noticed, the consequences of change are perceived more as possibility than defeat.

It seems inherent that if a group of people achieves a “victory,” another group will feel they have “lost.”  This polarization is a powerful force of division.  Change is frightening and losing our tradition is unsettling.  It feels like a direct challenge to our identity.  It makes us want to dig in and hold on.  But we must ask ourselves at what cost?  I can truly sympathize with the pain of fear, but can we also open ourselves up to the joy of connection when others feel understood and empowered?  Watching my gay friends embrace with the relief of feeling accepted deeply moved me.  Hearing a man express his deep gratitude for the mere consideration of the removal of the Confederate flag was profound.  It gives me such hope to see how compassion and understanding can bridge our divide and lead us toward a more equitable and loving society.

Like many others, I am so inspired by the families of the victims in Charleston.  They had the courage to open their hearts and be vulnerable, resisting the urge for retaliation and vengeance.  They serve as a great example of how we can in fact heal our divisions and move through change with grace and a commitment to respond with our most loving selves.  I can’t possibly know what it feels like to robbed of someone you love out of such cruel dehumanization. I can only imagine the strength of spirit it must take to speak of forgiveness and rise above the hatefulness.  The inspiration they offer us is truly remarkable and serves as a path to healing we can aspire to follow in this time of uncertainty and change.