This is the time of year when young people amaze me the most with their end of school year performances, competitions, and final exams.  In watching them, it reminds me how often they have to publically “put themselves out there” to be judged and evaluated, critiqued by teachers, coaches, and all of their peers.  They get chosen or rejected for roles, having to sing solos or dance in front of a crowd.  They get praised or yelled at in gearing up for a big game.  And they prepare for challenging exams where they will be graded in comparison to the scores of all their friends and classmates.  All in one day!

As adults we tend to lose touch with this risk taking way of life, especially when it involves being evaluated in areas we know are not our strengths.  We become experts in our fields and comfortable with being the ones in charge, either in our parenting or professional lives.  We hide out in well established routines that protect us from failure or embarrassment.  Some of us even live through our children, pushing them to do better, while we sit safely on the sidelines.  I remember one particular parent at a swim meet yelling at his son while he was racing in the toughest stroke, the butterfly.  The father was literally standing over the pool, potato chip bag in hand, shouting for his son to “pick up the tempo.”  (Extreme, yes, but we all do it to some degree.  Exhibit A:  Me sitting on my couch eating while I yell at my New York Giants to work harder to score a touchdown.)

By staying in our comfort zones, we rob ourselves of the ability to grow.  Besides becoming psychologically rigid, we may actually be putting ourselves at risk when we avoid being evaluated when we need to.  We might not measure our blood sugar and learn about diabetes or not share with someone that we are depressed.  Having a beginner’s mindset with a willingness to receive feedback is an important attitude for successful change.  Fortunately, like many habits, these skills can be developed.  The more often we do it, the easier it gets.  By committing to take a risk, we face our vulnerability and give ourselves the chance to feel the satisfaction in working to achieve a goal or become just a little bit better than we thought we could be.

So, I challenge us all to stretch ourselves a bit.  Enter a contest or race, sign up for the next level of a class you normally take, or start up something completely new.  Yes, your heart will race and you’ll have butterflies in your stomach, but you’ll also feel pride, be stimulated, and become more emotionally flexible.  You might even enjoy being freed up from expectations.  Like our kids, we may just learn to be brave again!